Stinky Toes Design

Friday Funny

2012-02-10T05:56:00.001-08:00

(submitted by https://twitter.com/#!/OMyFamily)

You know everyone...it has been one of those weeks around here.
The "highlight" of the week was last night when Z hurt his arm and
had to be checked out in the ER. *poor guy* :(
So, if you had a similar week...you might enjoy this site.
Happy Friday!

Seven: Jen Hatmaker

2012-02-08T10:48:00.000-08:00

Jen Hatmaker. Where do I begin?

Some of you may remember when I wrote about her here.
And...here I am again mentioning her new book.
I went all out on this one and I will admit that I pre-ordered the book.
I read a "blurp" on her book in December
and knew it had to be on the list for January's reading log.
I had, by the time I started the book,
found Jen via twitter and sent this message half way through the book.
Take a look at her response.

@JenHatmaker JenHatmaker
RT @bell_amy: Wow. I am 1/2 way through the new book entitled 7 by @JenHatmaker. I am wrecked I tell you. Wrecked. // Only half left, kid..

Let's be honest. I was half way through and trying to digest what she wrote. The premise of the book is giving up 7 things by giving up one for each month. I hope that makes sense. For instance, in month 2 Jen decides (along with her council) to give up clothing choices. She sets aside 2 pairs of shoes and then a few articles of clothing for an entire month. It was a huge lesson of how wasteful we are in our country. After reading through chapter 2, I cleaned out the closet. I had acquired a nice closet full of clothes in the 2 1/2 years we have lived here. To be honest, some, if not most of the clothes, I just never wore. Trent went through this closet: same story. I then proceeded to go through the kids' closets. The girls had dresses in sizes that were too small just taking up space in the closet. Unworn. In all, I bet we took 5 bags out of the house to donate. As a family, we are taking a closer look at the things we keep and the things we should not keep. With the girls, am I buying things because they are adorable? Or, am I making wise purchases (which can be cute!) and making sure the things purchased are needed. Besides the obvious benefits of purging, all 4 kids were very happy to give away items that were not needed to other families who did need them. With big smiles, they helped me load the bags in the van.

One of my favorite blogs is the Livesay blog. The Livesay family lives and works in Haiti. They work with a ministry called Heartline ministries. Heartline helps women who are pregnant to receive medical care before and after their babies are born. It is one amazing program. I remember reading the blog during a stint where they were in Texas due to some citizenship issues with their daughter. Tara Livesay posted and remarked about all the choices we, as Americans, make each day. She posted a picture of the yogurt section in the grocery store pointing out the hundreds of choices. No wonder we feel overwhelmed with our society and all the compartments we need in order to function properly.

A few weeks after the girls were home, I took them on a trip to the grocery store. They were both wide eyed as they stared at all the choices. My oldest daughter began to cry and want for everything in the store. miss little M just stared without noise.
Excess.
We have so much. The trip to the grocery store pointed out to me that our girls had few choices in their life prior to coming home. They were not given hundreds of choices of yogurt, or cereal, or juice. It was very overwhelming and to a child that had faced life with no resources it caused pain. We now have a method when we shop together. We have a list and we found the items on the list. We don't spend time looking at all the new items. We get what we need and move on. The girls and I have fun in the grocery. I don't think it hurts that a pack of mentos is always their reward for helping mama in the store. :)

This book came at a perfect time for our family. We have made great strides over here between "wants" and "needs". Not that having fun things is not welcome, but we don't need to over indulge in everything thrown our way. When the girls arrived, we simplified our house in visitors, stimuli, etc. We now chose to simplify our choices because it helps keep our hearts in focus. The other day my son was told he lived in a small house at school. We do live in a small house. We chose to leave a large house in a great neighborhood because we felt we needed to get ready for what God had for our family. In a funny turn of events, we realized the call was to adopt. And now, we have a family of 6 in a small house. It is tight but we have learned so many lessons. It has, in fact, really helped our family bond together the last 9 months. The best part? It has not allowed us to keep things in which we just don't have room for anymore. Of all the lessons, I have to think that purging things we don't use is important.

Seven wrecked me in many ways. It was a wake up call in some areas and a encouragement in others. Jen is an adoptive mama and she writes an amazing piece about interceding for her adopted children. Those few paragraphs were a testimony to the greatness of God. I won't write about those paragraphs here but take my word for it, please. If you are adopting, those paragraphs are a must read.

So, five stars, 2 thumbs, etc. This book is a must read. I plan to re-visit
parts of it this month as I have had a chance to digest some of it.
I am thankful for Jen and her honest perspective on excess.

happy day buddy

2012-02-01T16:34:00.000-08:00

(mr Z a few years ago-one of our favorites)

Oh happy day!
It is mr Zs birthday and I am so proud of him!
Some of you may know what a miracle he was long ago.
Pregnancy was a challenge with this one.
He truly is a miracle.

He is our resident comedian. Just the other day I gave him a small spoon by
accident and he went on a 10 minute hilarious tyrant
as to why he was given the small spoon.
We were all dying laughing.

Then, while praying the other day, he was going to be the closer. He announced, "Hey guys,
I am just going to finish this up with a IN JESUS NAME,AMEN". He says the funniest
things at the best times and it is a joy.

Not only he is funny but he is so sensitive. This year was tough for him as he lost
his place, so to speak, as baby of the family. He was the most hesitant but really tried
to love and open his heart. He now has become one the fiercest protectors of his sisters.
He loves his siblings and is not afraid to call one of them "mr. grumpy gills" to lighten the mood.

mr Z is one smart kiddo. He takes a lot of responsibility in his work and he really tries
on his homework. I love how he always remembers his library books. He is
a major proponent of working ahead and then having play time.
I love the progress he has made this year.

We are blessed to have him in our family. He is such an incredible joy and gift to us.
Happy Birthday sweet buddy.
You are so very loved!!!

Adoption Journey

2012-01-31T10:23:00.000-08:00

This is wonderful! As a family who personally worked with Lifesong for Orphans, they are amazing people who are making an impact in adoption.

Adoption Agencies

2012-01-31T08:39:00.000-08:00

*I have been getting some requests for agency recommendations.
I will not give any agency recommendations
but I will talk about the role of agencies in adoption.
The post below is a re-post to help those
who might not know where to start.
I was right there with you!
Hope this helps:)*

Since the girls have been home, we have received lots
of questions from others who are interested in adoption. I
have been meaning for some time to write a post about
choosing an agency. I have learned A LOT in the process.
However, in the beginning, I was very green, so to speak, to
the whole process and was very trusting of others.

I think the main reason I was so trusting of others was that
I could not imagine that someone would make money off
of children with no voice. Let me be clear. Adoption is big
business for some and caution must be used when using
an agency. I have thought of some steps that I would give my
pre-adoption self.

1. Research the Agency: Do your homework! Read all reviews
everywhere you can find them. I did not read any reviews on
our agency and made assumptions. Read the reviews and
contact others who have used the agency. Ask the uncomfortable
questions. Meet with the agency and have questions ready for them.
Ask for parent referrals who are/have been in process with the agency.

2. Take the Emotion Out: Agencies are providing a service
for adoptive families. They are helping families come together.
If ever you feel as though you are being treated as though you
are a bother, don't continue the relationship with the agency.
Never accept being told to not ask questions. Within reason,
write your thoughts and submit well thought out questions.
There are many agencies out there who will help you.
Find them.
The decision to adopt is emotional but choosing an agency
should not be.

3. Ask Questions: If you are ever told not to ask specific questions,
be alarmed. Asking questions is a part of the process and agencies
should expect questions. If the agency states they do not have time to
answer your questions, take that statement as a warning sign. Children
and their families are their obvious top priorities. Never ever feel guilty
for asking questions. You are your child's advocate.

4. Ask for Detailed Invoices: Keep in mind that adoption is
business. Ask for detailed line items and wait for answers. It is
a true fact that counties have closed because of the bribery that
can take place in country. Large items with no detailed explanation
are not a good sign. Fees must be explained. Again, the agency is
providing a service to you. It is their job to reign in, so to speak, their
in-country staff and keep records of money spent in-country. It is also
their job to provide detailed accounts as to how your money is spent.

5. Don't be Fearful: I was afraid during our process. After all, these people
I was told to trust and not ask questions of "had my children". Many adoptive
parents don't want to rock the boat because the agency has set a precedence
that they are all-knowing and are not to be questioned. Truth be told,
agencies work for you, the parent/family. I know it is a delicate balance but
we must not be fearful. Also, keep in mind that you have a voice. Unhappy
clients are a major problem for agencies that want to continue.

6. Collect Information: In our adoption, information was not collected on our girls
while they were waiting in process to come home. As our children age, any information
can be a calming influence to them. I have watched miss M's eyes light up when I
share what very little I know. For the child, knowing about the time before he/she
came home is an important part of their story. Trust me. Children ask questions. My
oldest daughter asks me questions about Congo all the time. I strive to answer truthfully,
factually and in age appropriate language. Children deserve answers and parents should
never fill in the blanks with assumed information
for their adoptive children. I wish our agency had taken
seriously the job of information collection for my children. If you are in process,
please ask for things such as comfort food, daily schedule and even personality of
care givers and others in the child's life. These bits of information are invaluable
during the adjustment period.

7. Pray: Take time to pray over the process. Pray for wisdom. Pray for discernment.
Pray for God to reveal what His desire are for your family. Prayer is your most important
lifeline when in the process of an adoption. There are many factors and variables in the
process. Pray continually.

Do you have other questions? Feel free to email me and I will do my
best to give you helpful and truthful answers. Transparency and honesty
within agencies is so very important. We must hold agencies to a higher
standard and not accept adoptions shrouded in secrecy.

That Mom.....

2012-01-28T08:19:00.000-08:00

Oh this amazing girl!
She is such a joy in our family. There are no words to describe her bravery, her will,
her love of others, her loyalty, her infectious laugh, and her amazing heart. It is
my true honor to be one of her mothers. Just last night we were laughing so hard
as she was showing me dance moves I should be doing instead of my own. I am
really not sure my moves can be called dance moves
but she was quick to try and help me. At one point she said told me that Justin Beiber
was "so cute, yes mama". Oh. my. We have fun over here, people.

I think of what she has been through at her young age. She was taken from her home
and put on a plane never to return to anything familiar. She felt the burden of taking
care of her younger sister and also protecting her from what might happen. She felt both
grief and loss which caused her to develop the skills of survival.

And yet, this beautiful little girl is a picture of hope. She is joyful. She is truly joyful.
As with many who have stories like hers, she has days of grief. I hold her and we talk
if needed. We pray together and we spend lots of time playing together.
Most of all,she never gives up.
Ever.

I posted a little while back about giving her things to do that were similar to things
she expressed a desire to do at home. As I was putting the laundry in the washer the
other day, she came up to me. We talked about her baby alive (who is always needing a
diaper change) and the purse she thought she might bring to the grocery store. She
stopped and watched me. I will never forget what she said next-
"Mama, you do laundry and I be kid?"

Oh yes, sweet girl. Please "be kid". Please enjoy your childhood.
It is wonderful to see the fruit of our work together as she relaxes playing dominoes, barbies, dolls and (new favorite) playing teacher with the chalkboard.

miss M started preschool this semester. Her tutor was pleased to report that she had made
great strides first semester. The excitement on day one was unreal. She chose her own
outfit and we put beads in her hair to match her dress choice.
I am proud to report that a few weeks
into school she is doing really well.
She is happy to be in school and is making new friends.

Thanks for letting me be "that mom" today.
I am so proud of her.

SOLE HOPE

2012-01-23T18:40:00.000-08:00

Have you heard of Sole Hope?

I am VERY excited about their work in Africa.
The founders are amazing people with hearts for God.

Why Sole Hope?

You can learn more by going here:

Funny of the Week

2012-01-21T11:13:00.000-08:00

When we are out, it is always difficult when someone yells "bathroom!".
I cringe because I have bathroom phobias and also because I know it
will be a production. The boys don't want to go to the women's restroom
with us but leaving them standing in the mall/store is not an option. So, we have
the "it is safer to stay with mom" discussion. Alas, we proceed into the bathroom
looking for the best of the worst in stalls. The littlest of us all always, without fail,
announce the coming and going of each member as well as each member's
accomplishment. In days where I cannot get everyone to stop moving, pushing,
etc., I try to get them to sing the ABCs with me. Yes, we now are singing, all 5 of
us as we wait for the member who is taking care of business. If you are finished, you
are not to TOUCH anything. nothing. We proceed to the sink to wash hands as
those waiting watch in wonder. I pray that questions will not be asked as I cannot
manage talking about the wonder of adoption knowing my children could be
accumulating germs while waiting (phobia much?).
Last weekend the following took place:

lady: oh, do you run a day care?
me: oh no, they are all my children.
miss M: (with look of disgust) we's all her childwen.
lady: do you take relaxers?
me: excuse me? what do you mean?
lady: you know. so you can deal with all of this.
me: uh. no. Do I like I do?
lady: I had 3 boys and I spaced them out.
(insert my awkward stare here)
me: we are happy. we are SOOO happy. we love our life.

I am pretty sure I scooped 2 kids up and fled possibly even
asking the boys to run.

Oh my word woman.
The world is a scary place. :)

I was wrong.

2012-01-20T05:37:00.000-08:00

I have to admit. I was completely wrong. At 24, I believe Katie Davis has more wisdom and understanding than I may have at 80. Before reading her book, many people recommended it to me. In fact, my friend Penny told me that she thought I really needed to read it. I thought the book was intriguing but I also wondered how such a young girl could really be legitimate.

I read books on my IPHONE. I don't have a kindle and I can read the IPHONE font just fine. My husband thinks I am just crazy for doing it but it is fine for me. One night, not long ago, I decided to download Kisses from Katie. I have to say that I read the book in 2 days. Yes friends, the book was finished in 2 days. I could not believe the ways in which God wrecked my heart. Trent asked me what I thought and I told him that he had to read it.

I am astounded by the ways God has used this book as an instrument for healing. When the girls arrived home, I felt a lot of pressure to have answers and, to be honest, be the answer. I knew in my head that I had to rely on God but my heart was trying to fix. I wanted to fix their pain. I wanted to make it all right. I am sure many moms feel this way about their children but I just kept trying and trying. I did not anticipate the "fix it" feeling. There is no boo boo buddy in the world that could calm such hurt.

Katie Davis made me finally realize that I could not fix it. I could not right the horrid wrongs experienced by my adopted children. I can't fix their pain but I can offer them love and care. In the instance where I quit and God begins, I have a front row seat as He heals my children. I read first hand how Katie took care of each of her children. I was encouraged as I read the accounts of the children who came to be in her family. As they received care and love, they began to heal. The past was not something to be erased but something to use as a building block for what was to come.

In American adoption, I think we read and research so much. Lately, there have been so many articles coming out on trauma and the brain. There have so many articles on attachment and how kids attach. Between all the attachment, trauma, food and culture articles, I had filled my head with enough information to host a conference. And yet, I was wrong. I had grossly underestimated the power of Christ's love. I had made assumptions and taken stock of what I needed to do. Katie Davis reminded me that it is only through HIM that we see the whole picture. On the days I felt like running to google, I need to run to HIM. On the days I feel as though I needed to immerse myself in education, I run to HIM.

Please don't mistake my post for a chance to not be educated. Education is important. However, I had been so clinical in some of my approaches that I had missed the point. As I parent all 4 of the kiddos, I need to turn to Christ first. It was a reminder, for me, as to His amazing power. I stand in awe of the things He did in the life of Katie and her children. Through them, He has chosen to change the lives of their community.

With a review like this, you would think I was going on her book tour. There is no way around it. This book is a must read and I cannot recommend it enough. It is now on my bucket list to hopefully meet her one day. Oh, and if you read on your phone, the book is sent right away and there is a small discount. Phone readers unite.

1 Timothy 4:12
Don't let anyone look down on your because you are young,
but set an example for the believers
in speech, in conduct, in love, in faith, and in purity.

Adoption Wishes

2012-01-16T18:15:00.000-08:00

Adoption Wishes

I was invited to share on Amy’s blog after contacting her about an earlier post she had written. We go back to college days when cheerleading, waiting tables, and having fun were things we shared. We haven’t talked much since those days but I felt compelled to thank her for her portrayal of adoption as emotional, uncertain, and honest hard work.
I know these things to be true. I am adopted.

When I think back to my childhood, I have both happy memories and sad. My adoptive parents are Christians, still married, and somewhat emotionally detached. There are many things I wished for, from the difficult (knowing and meeting my birth parents) to the simple (someone telling me it was okay to talk about them). Here are some of my wishes.

1. I wish someone had told me it was okay to talk about my life before. As an adult, I now realize I left behind so much – the smells, the sights, the friends, the caregivers, the routine, the language, the culture and sense of belonging that were created during those first 3 years of my life. I have never spoken of it to my adoptive parents, no questions, no ponderings, no imaginary play; they never told me it was allowed and I never knew if I should ask.

2. I wish someone had talked with me about my birth parents. I realize I had a lot of questions: what did they look like, were they alive, why did they leave me, what happened to them, did they wonder about me, would I ever see them again, did they miss me, did they still love me, did they have other children? But no one ever did. As the mother of 2 young children, the idea of sending them to live with someone who would never mention me to them makes my heart ache in a way that is physically painful. Yet, I have still never talked about this with my adoptive parents.

3. I wish someone had told me I didn’t deserve adoption. Don’t misunderstand, what child works for their place in their family? Being told you are “so lucky” to have been adopted is like saying the child must now work hard enough, achieve enough, behave well enough, be perfect enough to somehow earn their place in the family. Just as works do not earn us our salvation, our adoption is not something to earn. And while we call Jesus our Savior, adoptive parents must not think they are “rescuing their poor children”. The adoption itself creates a whole new list of issues that can’t ever really be considered a rescue mission.

4. I wish someone had warned me about how mean others would be but that it wasn’t my fault. Kids, to a certain degree, get a pass since their life experience and maturity mean they sometimes ask things in a way that is not intended to be hurtful. However, there were a lot of times kids and adults made fun of me and my sister for things based on race. Laughing at the flatness of my nose because it would make wearing glasses more difficult later in life. Laughing at my eyes and pulling on their own as if the slant of my eyes was some kind of joke. Laughing at the food I was sure to have eaten by calling it gook food (that was from a family member). I felt embarrassed and ashamed of who I was. I somehow believed I should apologize for being different, instead of angry about others’ unprovoked cruelty.

5. I wish someone would have broken out of the mainstream to create a movie, a book, a magazine, something and been a role model that young Asian Americans could look up to at a time when there was literally nothing. Do you want to know what your child feels on an almost daily basis? Try finding a social situation in which you and maybe one other person are the only ones of your race. Now imagine that’s your life every day and you’ll begin to understand. There was a long period of time (think well into adulthood) that I was more comfortable in a situation in which everyone was Caucasian than in one in which others looked like me. Odd? Not if you remember the way I grew up.

My list goes on. If I’m invited back, I’ll share more of them. They have become more apparent to me as I have become a parent myself. Thinking of myself at the stages they have reached makes me question so much. I wish I knew who to ask.

Encouragement in the Wait

2012-01-16T11:45:00.000-08:00

This post is for waiting parents. I have 2 different pieces that I

hope will encourage you today.

The first was written by my long time friend Amanda Lutz.

I have been incredibly impressed by her honest faith walk.

She is one amazing woman.

You can read her post about waiting during adoption here.

The other post I thought was so incredibly encouraging was written

by Katie Davis (she wrote the book Kisess from Kate).

You can read the post here.

picture of the week

2012-01-15T09:38:00.001-08:00

Adoption: No Easy Answers (Part 2)

2012-01-12T19:40:00.000-08:00

Recently, I re-connected with one of my friends from college days. She and her husband serve in Guatemala helping at risk children connect with people to help them heal. They also are involved in a program to help children that are in need of families. She posted a comment on the blog about the perspective of a waiting child. As I only have the perspective of a waiting parent, I asked her to please share with me what she has learned.
Marlana sent the letter below (published with permission).

So, I was thinking it might be helpful to share our personal story in answer to your question about adoption and about what it is like from the waiting child’s perspective vs. the waiting parent’s perspective (someday we hope to have this special experience as well.

Chad’s 15-year-old brother was adopted 5 years ago from Mexico. It’s a neat story as the orphanage was the one Chad visited on a trip through Cornerstone our junior year. We have kept in contact with the directors ever since and they actually pursued us about adopting Andres the week our first child was born. We’ve always felt that God would have us adopt someday, just not sure when, but at this point, neither one of us had peace about it. We told friends and family and about 3 months later, Chad’s parents told us they felt God was telling them to purse adopting Andres (who was then 7). We were amazed as his parents were 50 and their youngest of 5 was 22 already, plus they have always been in full-time ministry..truly only “of God.” Andres was in the orphanage since he was about 4 because he experienced many things that a child at that age should never experience. We had fallen in love with him and had a special connection with him when we visited, so finding out he would be our brother was such special news!

Fast forward 8 years later…he is a freshman in high school now in Muskegon, MI and loves soccer, music and hardly remembers his Spanish (Chad and I are working on that one!:) He is asking the tough questions now and really desires to visit the orphanage soon and know more about his birth mother. We are praying for Chad’s parents as they continue to guide him and process how God can use all of our stories to bring about healing and redemption through His love. Chad’s Dad is a counselor, so we are thankful that he is in a loving environment to help process his childhood.

He recently wrote a paper for school after watching a documentary about a boy who was adopted from Russia. He shares his heart in such a beautiful way, so I asked his permission to share with others from his perspective now that he is old enough to verbalize it.

“I felt sad and happy for Vanya. I can relate to what he has been through like waiting two years to be adopted or being moved from orphanage to orphanage or institution whatever you want to call it. I know what it is like to want a family, to be loved or be wanted by people.

This reminds me of when I was a little boy in Mexico looking at the road to see if my future adoptive parents were coming to visit me, or if I was ever going to see my birth mother ever again.

I’m happy that Vanya was finally adopted even though it took two years. I know what it is like to wait for two years to get adopted. I know the feeling when you meet a person from a different country that you really enjoy and they enjoy being with you. To know that you matter to people who love you no matter what you look like.

The producers made it clear that Vanya was misunderstood and was put somewhere he did not belong. Just because he had cerebral palsy did not mean he was retarded. The institution/orphanage had a problem with people that were not normal and they made Vanya an outcast of society and he did not belong in this place.

He was always happy no matter where he was. He always had a smile on his face. He was always full of joy and was happy to share with anybody. It was nice that the producers had Vanya come back to Russia years after he had been adopted. He got to reconnect with a friend of his that was still in the institution and he got to meet his sister that had left the orphanage. It made me happy.

I felt empathy because I too was adopted and waited two years to be adopted. I have been in almost all the same situations that Vanya was. They didn’t mention a father in the video and I did not have a father that I know of until I was adopted. I know what it is like to be in an institution or orphanage. I can relate to most all the pain he has gone through his whole life. “

Chad’s parents adoption of Andres was the first part of our journey. Chad and I felt called to full-time missions working with children at risk in 2006 and have been serving in Guatemala since 2008. We lived in an orphanage during our first 2 ½ years here and are now serving with a ministry called AMG that has schools and daycare centers for at-risk children in very poor urban and rural areas. Chad is the director of child protection and restoration, working with a team of Guatemalan psychologists and social workers to bring the healing hope of Jesus to abused children within our projects. Our passion is to help maintain and restore families in these areas where crime, poverty, and abuse are prevalent. We are praying towards the goal of starting a foster-care program through the local church here in Guatemala. What a blessing it would be if Christian families would take in a child from one of AMG’s projects who needs a short-term or long-term home. We have learned so much and realize we have so much more to learn!

Although we are huge proponents of adoption, our eyes have been opened to a wider spectrum of care for children at risk. It is estimated that roughly 80% of the world’s “orphans” have one or more living parents. This doesn’t mean the child should always be with this parent, but if at all possible, reunification with the family is best and if not possible, it is best to keep the child within a true family environment – through foster care (short or long-term) or adoption, with an orphanage (even the best ones are still institutions) being the last resort.

So…all that being said, we are excited about programs like child sponsorship (allowing many single mammas to keep their children with a monthly stipend), foster care within Christian families and adoption (local or international). God is on the move. We are seeing cultural shifts within American families (see Christian Alliance for Orphan website/conference for more info.) and the world is noticing. We have a pastor/counselor friend from Colombia here with us this week. He asked Chad, “why do American families (some that are already big) decide to adopt more children?” He asked if it was a cultural reason. We like to think it’s because His Body is seeing the need to help children at risk and are stepping out in faith to meet these needs – locally and globally. It is a beautiful thing for the world to notice Christ’s love being extended to the poor and needy by His Bride and it is an eternal thing to know that more children will meet us in heaven someday because we have obeyed!

For ways anyone can help children at risk, visit here.

Thanks for letting us share our story, Amy!

Marlana (for Chad and kiddos)

(you can visit their family web site here)

Adoption: No Easy Answers (Part 1)

2012-01-12T14:15:00.001-08:00

Adoption: No Easy Answers

I have been working on this post in my head for months. There are many
issues surrounding ethics and the adoption of only infants in adoption.
A local adoption agency has been touting on twitter that infants are available.
The tweets bothered me for many reasons. As an adoption community, we cannot
accept the fact that agencies are touting healthy infants available now. We have to make
some determinations as to why we are adopting and the realities surrounding
children who are in need of families. Many of the children are born in third world countries where traumatic births and no health care is routine. Many children have been put into orphanages because their parents simply cannot feed them. Many children have lost parents for reasons we, as Americans, cannot imagine.

If we, as an adoption community, only request infants than what about waiting
children? I know families who have sat on lists for months waiting for a child
0-6 months old. I know families that have chosen certain agencies because
the program delivers lots of little babies to waiting families. Is it wrong to
adopt a little baby? No! However, what if we as a community were open to the child
that God may want to place in our family. (infant or older)

Let's be honest. I want to fully disclose that I read all the research on "older" child
adoption before we adopted. Article after article (note: I am a research nerd) had me convinced. We could not risk it.
We could not parent a child who was "devastated" by their
environment. We could not bring children into our home who would disrupt our family and possibly not ever attach to us. Right?

The time came for our home study. Our amazing social worker from St. Elizabeth
Coleman here in Indiana came over to do our home study. (For many reasons, you
will not see me "name drop" or recommend. However, with my full heart I recommend
St. Elizabeth Coleman.) As she arrived to our perfectly clean home (days of work) and fairly
happy children (we had talked to them about being nice:), she listened to my
reasons as to why we should only adopt a baby. In fact, we would be willing to
take 2 little babies. She asked why we thought we had landed on the perfect age for
our child. We touted the research, the books, etc. In her quiet voice, she looked at us
and asked if she could write up to 4 years old. I was floored. 4 YEARS OLD?? Is
this woman a licensed professional who has read the research?

Why, yes Amy, she is a wise and licensed professional.

The next couple of hours we talked about the reality of adoption in third world
countries. We talked and she shared stories to refute our concrete claims. I could
see Trent's heart was changing. GREAT. I tried not to panic as we finished the education
night. When I went to bed that night, I was plagued with worry about birth order, attachment, and the list goes on.

The next morning I told Trent we would just let God choose. I am sure I did not really
mean that statement. I was fully into the idea of "saving" a child. I just wanted to pick
the children that I saved. (to read how I realized I was not the saver, go here).
After all, it was my family. Although I had gone through 2 difficult
pregnancies, we had 2 healthy boys. I really did not want to bring unwanted stress into
our family.

If you are appalled at my last paragraph, please read on.
I am a work in progress.

So we waited...only a few days...and the referral came. It was for 2 girls and the
oldest was 3 according to the referral. I stared at the pictures for what seemed
all night. I remember thinking...are these it Lord? Lord, they are not babies!
They are older...what if...Lord, have you read the research?

I made a call to a trusted friend. She is the mama of 5 kiddos and their family
welcomed 2 children into their family via adoption. I told her all my
fears and all my worries. I told her about the research. (I know, I was that friend).
She listened patiently to the story. She asked if she could pose a question.

"Remember when our church called about maybe hosting orphans from Haiti?
Remember when we called each other and wondered who God would bring?
Well, if God put those girls, or even older, in your life would you deny them and
wait for babies?"

silence.

One could have heard crickets at this point. I knew she was speaking truth to me.
These were the girls that God has placed in our lives.

Oh, God in His wisdom was so faithful. I have quickly learned there are no, and mean
no, guarantees in adoption. I have had friends adopt babies and have more intense
attachment issues than families with older children. (and vice versa). I have learned
every child is unique. I have also learned that no child's story determines the path
of his/her life. I have learned to honor each child and each journey.

I share this very information not to just write a post. I share this story because I
believe we, as an adoption community, have to change our view. Please, adoption
counselors, talk to your families about waiting children. Please, adoption agencies,
don't tout "infants-now!". And finally, parents, don't let fear determine your path.
The Lord may have a very young child for your family but what if He does not? I
would stand with you and encourage you to please consider other options. I almost
made a huge mistake and missed my precious girls.

This morning I was visiting with my dear friend, Stephanie. We were playing with miss
little M and laughing at her funny comments. She was hugging us and at the same time
literally getting into every one of Steph's cabinets. Steph looked at me and asked me what
I would do without miss little M in our lives? I had no answer. As hard as times can be
with adjustment and healing, I would never want to journey without the girls. I would never
want to wake up and not hear a sweet French accent in my home. I would never want to
do laundry without a special load of pink.

Many have asked how my boys are doing since the girls have joined the family. I think mr Z
had a harder time loosing baby status. But, I would say that God has done amazing things. I have been so incredibly proud of the boys. As strangers and friends have "made over" the girls, they have stood by with pride. They have welcomed them into our home and loved them.
However, even in the best of circumstances, adoption is a big adjustment for everyone.

Let's be frank.
We have joy and pain wrapped up in one home.

And then, God gives us undeniable hope.

Last night mr L came home and put together miss M's Barbie tub for her. She had
earned it with money from her teeth and she needed help. He helped her and was so
happy to see her use it. Today, miss M shared a piece of her story with mr Z in the van. It
was a story I had not heard before and he listened. After she finished, he told her not to be afraid. He truly was protecting her. These are times I would not trade.

I am not sure what the "take away" is from this post. Maybe, in my own way,
it is a post to advocate for waiting children. I recently was talking to a friend who stated that her adopted children cried when they were told they were getting big. They knew what big meant to them. Big meant you were not going to be adopted. I see my own girls. I think a lot
about those left behind. When miss M asks us to adopt more kids from Congo, my heart aches. I think of kids here and abroad that long for families.

There are no easy answers.

older child adjustment

2012-01-05T10:26:00.001-08:00

Recently, I have received messages from parents asking about older
child adjustment. As our little ones were not infants, we did
have some adjustments when they arrived. Our airport
moment was amazing. However, the days and weeks that
followed were hard times in many ways. The girls had a
tough time adjusting to their new surroundings. We had
a tough time knowing how to meet their needs. As I have I said
before, home is home no matter where home might be. A
new home, and specifically a new family, is an adjustment.
We were not given any information as to what the girls
did during the day. We did not know their daily routine
or what would comfort them.
We also did not know their care givers or
the personalities of those around them.We had to rely on their
cues as to what might make them feel safe/secure.
We had to somehow create what was and blend what is.
(make sense?)

I think about this on a much smaller level. (much smaller)
Every morning I wake up and make a cup of coffee. I read
the news and check my email. If I was traveling, or in an
unfamiliar place, I would re create these moments for myself.
I would find coffee or tea. I would bring my phone to read
the Bible, news, etc. In fact, when I travel, I usually find my
caffeine source the night before I need it (addicted?).

However, it would be really hard for me if someone told me
that as soon as I woke up the plan was to eat at an
Italian buffet. (I have no idea where the buffet thing came from...
just humor me). For adopted children, their whole schedule and
routine is completely different. Children thrive and feel secure
in a routine. Ask any teacher in any school system the most important
part of the year.
10:1
I would bet most teachers would say the beginning of the year.
Why?
Routine is established.

Many parents have asked if we really needed to kind of cocoon for those
first few weeks. ABSOLUTELY. We needed a routine. The girls needed to
get out of bed and come to the kitchen. They needed to know food was
available. They needed to know who lives in their house. They needed to
know what would happen in their daily life. Things that seem obvious are
not obvious to little ones.

One of the things we realized early on was
the girls may be little but they were responsible for very
adult tasks and responsibilities. Some of these tasks
were cultural and some were out of sheer necessity.
For instance, we had many times when miss M wanted
buckets to wash her clothes. She wanted to take care of
her new clothes and she thought washing them in buckets
would be the best way to take care of them. She was adverse
to the washing machine.

Another thing we realized is that she wanted to care for her
sister all the time. She was the one who cared for her sister
for a long time and she wanted to protect her little sister.

I have said many times that miss M is going to be a cook!
She was fully expecting to prepare meals for our family.
She tried to reach the stove. It was nerve wrecking for a while
but here are some ways we were able to help her and allow
her to feel safe. She also wanted to be the one to clean
the kitchen and help our family.

Here are some practical ways we helped the girls:

1. We bought a play kitchen with all the works. Truth be told it was $5
from Goodwill but it is nice. She was/is allowed to wash her dishes
with real water, soap and towels. Yes, it is a little messy. But, she feels
so much better and feels like she is taking ownership of her things.
I might add...she is a very tidy in her kitchen. :)

2. She was given a doll by my mother in law. She was given pampers,
clothes, etc. for her doll. She was responsible for taking care of her and
dressing her. She would/will pack a diaper bag if she wants to bring
her to the store. She would give her baths and feed her. It was very
soothing to have someone to care for and yet be a child.

3. We let her do the doll's laundry. I put buckets in the bath tub.
The girls have a bucket for soap and one for water. They wash all the
baby clothes. I put towels down all over the bathroom and also under
the drying rack in their room. Yes, again, it is messy. But, they both do
a great job washing them and they take great pride in taking care of
the clothes. This part of the equation is cultural and they seemed to
want to take good care of their baby clothes.

For us, it was re-creating moments in which the girls could feel
"like home" but yet not actually do "adult work". Our goal is for
our girls to reclaim their childhood. Trust me, there is plenty
of time for chores, etc. I am really much more concerned about
their need to feel included and a part of this new home.

I hope some of this information has been helpful.
There is really no secret formula. Trust me-if there was
I would have already paid for it and had it delivered.
Yes, adoption is about attachment, but adoption is also about
taking care of the whole child. It is about loving a child where
he/she is right now. It is about accepting the now with goals
for the future. It will not be perfect. It may not even be ok.
However, I do feel hopeful. I see progress and I am
excited to see where we are this time next year.

p.s. This next part has nothing to do with the post.
See their hair in the picture?
I did it! I can't believe it. I was able to do some
beads in their hair. I have to say it...
TAKE THAT MEAN LADY AT TARGET
xoxo

hello there 2012.

2012-01-03T08:40:00.001-08:00

First of all, this was, hands down, one of my favorite pictures of 2011.
My mama heart is full. full.

No. No. I know what you must be thinking.
This lady thinks her kids are the cutest ever.
Well, really. The white coats?
If you knew the deal i found on those coats!
It was pure Christmas joy i tell you.
(well, you know, at least joyful :)
The boys had on some amazing ties.
As you can see, mr Z took the tie wearing
very seriously.
(hands in the pockets little GAP model)

*Christmas tea*

*Christmas tea*

For this picture I have no words.
Love.

This was fun.
You won't find a better "present getter" than mr L.
He is just a riot.

We actually had to wake the girls up Christmas morning.
Once they figured out what was happening, I heard lots
of cheering. I sat in the chair and watched while I tried
to compose myself. There are no

Prayers were answered!
It may have not been Christmas, but we did
have snow! mr Z took his job seriously and gave
the girls helpful snow playing hints.

As you can see, we had those who were sampling the snow.
When I opened the door, the above mentioned taste tester
told me that she was "NOT eating the wellow snow, mama!"
Yes. Good advice mr. Z.

Last year was a hard year for me. I loved Christmas with the boys
but it felt like a piece of our family was missing. I am assuming those
who have loved ones away can relate (ie-military families). However,
it was a tough season for me as I just wanted to girls home. You
can read about what last Christmas was like here and also here.

If you are waiting this year for your child to come home, please know
you are not alone. Some days may feel endless during the wait time but
there is an end. I can testify to the fact that there is an end to the waiting!
There were times this year were things seemed very surreal. There were also
times when the girls were just overwhelmed and unsure as we establish family
traditions as a six. Overall, we had a wonderful Christmas. I can't wait to see
what the new year brings and the progress we will have made!

The Christmas Rescuer

2011-12-19T05:34:00.000-08:00

This Christmas I have treasured the fact that I can celebrate what
God has done in our family. Most of all, I am blown away by the lessons
He has taught us through adoption.

Before the girls arrived, I saw the situation illustrated above in
my head. We could provide a home to children who needed a home.
We had enough love to give.
We could help!

*disclaimer: I am NO artist.*

As you can see, the picture is pretty simple.
It does not include their life experiences or what God was ALREADY
doing in their hearts as we waited for them.

I saw a world away from us in which children needed help.
As we prayed, we knew that we could be that help for them.
We could rescue them and raise them in a Christian home.
We could give them a family and safe home.

However, in other points in time I think I viewed the
situation as illustrated above. Our love, our home, our Jesus
would make a huge difference in the lives of the
children we would bring home. We could be a huge part
of the plan God has for these children. It was an honor.
It was about a 911 rescue.

Well...until I realized this.....see the dot up there?
Yes, that TINY dot was the "us" in the plan.
I realized that God did not need us to rescue the girls.
He wanted our yes. He did not need our plan. He already
had a plan and we were one piece of a large picture.
ONE PIECE.
I realized that HE was the rescuer.
We were NOT the Rescuer.

And, it was not until our girls were home, did I realize
that the above picture would illustrate how our children would feel.
Why? Home is home no matter where home "is".
In fact, home had several memories that were missed.
The things home included were: a loving foster mother, a family oriented culture,
certain foods, a love of culture and certain routine comforts.
The girls viewed the above items as "home".
In our world, we had a view in which everything we brought to the table was good.
A family unit....a home....lots of love....and our Jesus.
However, our children, at times, feel torn between their former home and
their new home. The things we thought would cause joy sometimes cause
great pain in their hearts.

At times I felt perplexed. I do not understand their feelings of being torn.
They had been rescued. They were HOME. They were HOME......

It makes THIS so much more real this Christmas. This year, more than any
other year in recent memory, I am aware of the Rescuer. The Rescuer who
chose the manger. He chose to come down to this place for our rescue.
He was our Rescuer.

I remember when Miss M and I were taking about Jesus the first time. I shared
the gospel with her through a children's Bible. She looked at me...perplexed. Her words
will stick with me the rest of my life.

"I know Jesus, Mama. I lovee Jesus."

I stopped. Oh. my. word. What was I thinking? How could I be so naive?
He was with you. He saw you in your home country. He saw you during your
time of grief. He knew the very number of hairs on your head.
He was near to you. Your tears were seen by Him.

This Christmas it is important to remember that I was not the
Rescuer. Redemption was His idea. He was the originator of
the redemption. During the times I feel at a loss as to what
to say or do, I will trust Him. I will look to Him for guidance. I will
trust Him to heal our family in a way only He could do for us.
I will gladly take a front row seat as we watch His story unfold.

..funny thing about my plans....
My plan (most of the time) is nothing like what He had in mind.
My worry about our boys taking a back seat and my worries about
the girls adjusting never get to take a front seat in our lives because
He is the redeemer. When we see ashes, He sees so much more.

Christmas is a constant reminder to me of the fact
He came for me. For our family. For you.
He is Redeemer.

When is a good time?

2011-12-09T18:14:00.000-08:00

Today I had a wonderful talk with a friend I have known for years. Her family is making some huge decisions as to what the Lord may have for them in the future.
They are praying about the possibility of adoption.

Many families are praying about adoption right now. My heart could not be more happy. I would love for more and more families to open their homes. We prayed about our decision to adopt for a long time. We know (James 1:27) that God wants us all to care for widows and orphans in some way. However, I also believe not all are called to adopt. We prayed about whether our calling was actual adoption or adoption support (both very important roles).

When a family announces an adoption, there are many reactions. I don't know if because you chose to adopt people feel free to give opinions. When I was pregnant with my sons, no one tried to talk me out of it. I think we view one as "you are in it now" and the other as "you chose this". However, I don't feel like I chose adoption.

Funny, huh?

As we prayed and His will for us to adopt became clear, my head and my heart played tricks on me. Why adopt? I would have 2 kids in school and a full day to get things done. Our life was relatively easy with 2 kids. We fit in our house and had a play room. I did not have to worry about what people thought of us as we were all one color. I received adoring nods and little sweet comments about how being a mom of 2 boys must be the best ever. I could handle the laundry for 4 people. My house was pretty clean. My van had a large back area to carry my Goodwill purchases in it from day to day. We had no one in diapers. Need I go on?

However, the Lord revealed to us that our OK was not His OK. Even though we seemingly were coasting through life, it seemed as though something was missing. It seemed as though we were missing the point. We had to surrender our OK for it was not part of His plan for our family.

And then the earthquake hit in Haiti.

I could not sleep at night. It was a strange stirring in my heart that I could not explain. I had never been to Haiti. Ever. My heart ached for the people of Haiti and especially the children. One night, Trent asked me why we were waiting. Why, of course! We had not saved thousands to adopt. Were we crazy? God kept chasing and chasing us.

Through a series of events, we heard about the Democratic Republic of Congo. The stories of the plight of the Congolese people stirred my heart. In research, we had found that we would not be able to adopt from Haiti due to the fact we had children in the home (the laws have now changed). So, we prayed. We asked God if we were the support or the parents. It became clear to both of us that we had children in Congo. I will never forget signing all the paperwork and looking at Trent in disbelief. We had about $50 allotted so far. Oh yes. You read that right....$50. However, we felt strongly that God was asking for our yes. He wanted our yes.

Many families feel called to adopt but don't do it because of the opinions given by family members or close friends. I think it is important to acknowledge that those family members love you and your family very much. They want the best for you. However, they are not the choosers of the best. Does that make sense? God must speak to you about His purposes. You are the one that must answer to Him one day on how you kept His commands. And, most of all, if you are truly called to adopt or support adoption and never do then the "no" becomes sin. Scripture states that if we know what is right and choose not to do it the choice becomes sin to us.

And here was my dilemma.
I knew we were being called to adopt.
It became clear that our role was to parent children.
I knew He wanted our yes.
I knew my heart needed to surrender to His will.

So, we took the leap of faith. Ok, let me re-state. We took the jump of the cliff eyes closed step of faith. I had no idea how God was going to provide for our adoption. I started making jewelry to off set the cost. We went on a fishing trip with Trent's parents and while we were there a blogger in California featured my jewelry. When we arrived home, I came back to a full inbox and a paypal account filled with the money needed for the home study. I still get chills thinking about what God did that day.

Someday I will post the entire story of how God provided.
For now, I will say He did it.
He did it in a way I could not imagine.

My hope is that some of you may read this post and realize that God is calling you. He is calling you to either parent a child (or children) or support adoption. However, you have a million reasons why right now may not be the time. When is a good time?

I remember our adoption announcement. For the most part, things went well. For the times things did not go well, I had to remember that turning back was not an option. God was clearly calling us to step out, take Him at His word and walk. I was afraid. I will openly admit I was fearful. People told me stories of botched adoptions and horrid journeys. As a reformed back row Baptist, I had to realize that it did not matter what others around me concluded. I must live for an audience of One. It was time to be brave and live out the faith I told others was the most important part of my life.

We are 7 months into our life as a family of 6. I would say to you that these few months have not been all bunnies and rainbows. I have been afraid. I have asked hard questions of the Lord. I have grieved in ways I thought were not possible.

I have found Him to be faithful.
I have found His mercies to be new every single morning. I have realized that it is highly addicting to say yes to Christ. Yes, adoption has changed our lives. We now know the missing part. I have realized that adoption is amazing. Let me say....our girls are amazing. I have an amazing sense of the true way in which I was adopted into God's family. There are no words for His gift to our family. Our boys' faith has grown so much deeper as they have walked this journey with us.

If you are considering adoption, please know that it is a tough decision. It is not an emotional impulse but a seeking of God's will for your life. Seek guidance. Talk to other adoptive families. If needed, you can contact me. Don't let fear or worry stop you from living out God's desires for your life. Trust me....it is worth it.

Magical Christmas

2011-12-08T06:07:00.000-08:00

I have to admit. Christmas around here is just..well..magical.
Our first Christmas as a six and I really have to pinch myself.
As crazy as it can be around here, there is something really
special about our first Christmas.
Thankful.

It took me two days to try and explain why we chop a tree
down and bring it in our house. However, when the decorations
came out the cheering could be heard through the neighborhood.
As we took out the ornaments, I felt sad because I did not have
homemade ornaments from the girls. So, the next day we spent
making our own and hanging them on the tree. We had so much
fun making them and I could tell miss M was content to know
her handmade goodness was added to the tree.

Last Christmas I packed shoe boxes to be sent to Congo.
I picked special items and wrapped each one for the
girls. I remember driving them to our agency and crying on
the way home. I really wanted my two girls to be home.
This year, we packed shoe boxes for other kids in need.
I explained to the girls what we did last year. With Miss M
being older, she remembered her "specials" as she called them.
I think she smiled the entire time.

Here is one of the little dolls we sent through Operation Christmas
Child this year. It was so amazing to watch all the kids packing the
gifts. The boys remembered us packing them for the girls last year
and the girls were so excited to give.

There have been some funny moments. Like when we saw Santa
2 days in a row. We aren't Santa promoters around here. The boys
asked me if Santa was real. I asked them if they wanted to believe
that he was real. They said that wanted to believe he was real. I
smiled as I knew they understood Santa was pretend but I followed
it with "you know, only Jesus is real". They agreed and we all
moved on. The girls are not sure what to think about a man
in a suit asking them about their Christmas wishes. Miss M
thinks he is just funny. Miss little M is not amused.

*Case in point*
All the cousins ate cookies together at the local town square.
Santa arrived and they all gathered around to share what
they might want for Christmas. Miss little M was not
having it. At all. She darted away. As there you have the boys
and miss M....gleeful in their wishing.

Guess who had a birthday this month?

Oh yes! We now have 2 kiddos the same age!!!
I have to admit. I thought that having 2 children the same
age would be really hard on all of us. However, I have found
that at times it has been challenging but they really are
double trouble. The Lord, in his goodness, gave these 2
babies the same sense of humor and love for practical jokes.
These 2 were among the most excited to trick their Papa with
no tear toilet paper from the dollar store. They both love to
be on time and have things in order. They have much more in
common than not.

How about our first girl cake in the house?
Barbie and all. As you can see, Papa is pretty
much a rock star around here. Well, she did she
Justin Beiber on TV and said "oh, he cute, yes".
We will have a house full of high schoolers someday.
No. no. Can't go there yet.

love, the whitest white girl

2011-11-29T13:51:00.000-08:00

The above picture was taken not too long after the
girls came home. Miss little M wanted to take a walk
with Daddy and it brought tears to my eyes.

Interracial parenting is different than I expected. Before
the girls came home, we were required to take an overview
class of interracial parenting. It was a brief glance at
what it might be like. However, since the girls have arrived,
I have lots of experience navigating through the maze of
American racism. I have learned that racism comes in all
kinds of packages and angles.

The hot spot around these parts is Target. I know. I should stay
away with 2 girls. Exactly. I have 2 girls and Target is fun! Two
weeks ago the girls and I were walking through the store. They both
had been playing hard all morning and their hair was pushed back
into a headband. I will gladly admit that it was not one of our stellar hair
days but they are children. I had THREE women stop me and ask if
I needed suggestions for hair products. I assured them that I had all
the mentioned items. The last woman shook her head and kept moving.

Awesome.

So, my good friend, said she would braid the girls' hair. My friend is
African American and she did an amazing beaded style. I was trying so
hard to learn and it was just over my skill level. However, I was SO excited
to head (no pun intended) out in public. The boys even got a kick out of the
girls running ahead with clinking hair.
So, we go to Target for a few grocery items. We happily
make our way around the store and then go to the checkout.

checkout gal: hello.
me: hi there.
checkout gal: did you do their hair?
me: no! a good friend of mine did it. i love it!
checkout gal: i thought so. not a one of you can do it.
*silence*
me: oh, well it was great to watch and i hope to learn.
it seemed hard. (wish i could erase honesty here)
checkout gal: it actually is easy. we know how to do it.

True story. I did not know what to say to her. I am not
very quick on my feet. I thought about it later. I don't know
what I should have done. It bothers me that miss M heard the
exchange. I knew I had to leave quick and keep it simple. I felt
very aware in the moment that I was not their biological
mother. I felt like I somehow needed to prove my worth to
the girls.

Navigating through racial issues is hard. It takes time and
research to know how to respond. We have had some wonderful
interactions. However, I cringe when people tell me "I have always
wanted a brown baby. Where did you get her?". Really?

We did not adopt because it was trendy. I like clothes. I could have
bought a really nice closet of clothes to be trendy. We adopted because
we felt it was a calling in our lives. I thought long and hard about the fact
that I am the whitest white girl around (as one African American friend tells
me). I get it. However, we both knew without a doubt God had called us to
adopt the girls. They were our daughters.

The girls and I have begun talking about our hearts matching.
We talk about our skin and how our skin does not match.
Here is how I explain it to the girls:

We have a secret!
God matched our hearts.
God knew you needed a family and we had been
praying about God bringing children to us.
And then it happened...
God showed us that our hearts matched!

I suspect we will have to have some open and honest discussions about race
in our family. It is healthy to talk about the good and hard elements of
being in an interracial family. I feel privileged to be a part of a family so
uniquely knitted together by the God of the universe. I hope our differences
are also the source of our amazing strength.

Choosing an Agency

2011-11-27T12:30:00.000-08:00

Since we the girls have been home, we have received lots
of questions from others who are interested in adoption. I
have been meaning for some time to write a post about
choosing an agency. I have learned A LOT in the process.
However, in the beginning, I was very green, so to speak, to
the whole process and was very trusting of others.

I think the main reason I was so trusting of others was that
I could not imagine that someone would make money off
of children with no voice. Let me be clear. Adoption is big
business for some and caution must be used when using
an agency. I have thought of some steps that I would give my
pre-adoption self.

1. Research the Agency: Do your homework! Read all reviews
everywhere you can find them. I did not read any reviews on
our agency and made assumptions. Read the reviews and
contact others who have used the agency. Ask the uncomfortable
questions. Meet with the agency and have questions ready for them.

2. Take the Emotion Out: Agencies are providing a service
for adoptive families. They are helping families come together.
If ever you feel as though you are being treated as though you
are a bother, don't continue the relationship with the agency.
Never accept being told to not ask questions. Within reason,
write your thoughts and submit well thought out questions.
There are many agencies out there who will help you.
Find them.
The decision to adopt is emotional but choosing an agency
should notbe.

3. Ask Questions: If you are ever told not to ask specific questions,
be alarmed. Asking questions is a part of the process and agencies
should expect questions. If the agency states they do not have time to
answer your questions, take that statement as a warning sign. Children
and their parents are their obvious top priorities. Never ever feel guilty
for asking questions. You are your child's advocate.

4. Ask for Detailed Invoices: Keep in mind that adoption is
business. Ask for detailed line items and wait for answers. It is
a true fact that counties have closed because of the bribery that
can take place in country. Large items with no detailed explanation
are not a good sign. Fees must be explained. Again, the agency is
providing a service to you. It is their job to reign in, so to speak, their
in-country staff and keep records of money spent in-country. It is also
their job to provide detailed accounts as to how your money is spent.

5. Don't be Fearful: I was afraid during our process. After all, these people
I was told to trust and not ask questions of "had my children". Many adoptive
parents don't want to rock the boat because the agency has set a precedence
that they are all-knowing and are not to be questioned. Truth be told,
agencies work for you, the parent/family. I know it is a delicate balance but
we must not be fearful. Also, keep in mind that you have a voice. Unhappy
clients are a major problem for agencies that want to continue.

6. Collect Information: In our adoption, information was not collected on our girls
while they were waiting in process to come home. As our children age, any information
can be a calming influence to them. I have watched miss M's eyes light up when I
share what very little I know. For the child, knowing about the time before he/she
came home is an important part of their story. Trust me. Children ask questions. My
oldest daughter asks me questions about Congo all the time. I strive to answer truthfully,
factually and in age appropriate language. Children deserve answers and parents should
never fill in the blanks for their adoptive children. I wish our agency had taken
seriously the job of information collection for my children. If you are in process,
please ask for things such as comfort food, daily schedule and even personality of
care givers and others in the child's life. These bits of information are invaluable
during the adjustment period.

7. Pray: Take time to pray over the process. Pray for wisdom. Pray for discernment.
Pray for God to reveal what His desire are for your family. Prayer is your most important
lifeline when in the process of an adoption. There are many factors and variables in the
process. Pray continually.

Do you have other questions? Feel free to email me and I will do my
best to give you helpful and truthful answers. Transparency and honesty
within agencies is so very important. We must hold agencies to a higher
standard and not accept adoptions shrouded in secrecy.

hey, want to shop for Christmas?

2011-11-22T12:52:00.000-08:00

Hey friends!

How about doing some Christmas shopping with us?

Look at this little one.
We know her from our
adoption group. She is a sweetie pie.

Here are her parents. Her mama is a sweet friend of mine.

They are adopting twins and they could really use
our help with adoption funds. So, in honor of the
newest members of their family, we have been making
some wonderful headbands.

The headbands are for all hair types. We love them and
we wear them all the time. They are easy and cute.

As you can see, my model was more than willing
to sit for oodles of headband pictures.
*sugar*

Need some more choices?
For a donation of $8, we will ship anywhere! :)
All the ones you see are available.
I have some Christmas ones coming too!

Stocking stuffers?
Shower gifts?

Ready to shop???
Click HERE

and shop away!!!!

(items will be shipped directly to you:)

ALL funds go to bring their children home!!!!

thankful

2011-11-22T10:35:00.000-08:00

Psalm 16:7-11

New International Version (NIV)

⁷ I will praise the LORD, who counsels me;
even at night my heart instructs me.
⁸ I keep my eyes always on the LORD.
With him at my right hand, I will not be shaken.

⁹ Therefore my heart is glad and my tongue rejoices;
my body also will rest secure,
¹⁰ because you will not abandon me to the realm of the dead,
nor will you let your faithful^[a] one see decay.
¹¹ You make known to me the path of life;
you will fill me with joy in your presence,
with eternal pleasures at your right hand.

Adoption is a beautiful act that follows immense pain.

Before our girls arrived, I did a lot of research on possible grief reactions. I allowed myself to read all the different stories and try to get myself ready for the girls' homecoming. I thought if I could just be a calming presence to them then they might know they were safe. My calming voice and prayers would quiet them and they would know I am their mama.

*insert fail here*

Unfortunately, I quickly discovered my girls' pendulum of emotions was being triggered by something that I might never know. There were many times I held the girls as they cried for what appeared to be no apparent reason. It was a grief I could not know but a very real stress for my daughters. I spent hours praying over the girls and asking God for wisdom. And yet, I truly believe He never left us. Time stood still during those sob filled moments. I was faced with the harsh reality that I could not place a band-aid on a wound I could not see. I had to face the truth that I did not know all the answers but I knew Who did. Although the past was a mystery to me, it was not a mystery to Him. It was through the example of Christ's love that we were able to hold our daughters and love them. In our own power and ambition, we might have done ok but through Him we were empowered by the Holy Spirit.

To any new adoptive parents, please don't allow fear to step in the door of your mind. Resolve to serve and love your child in the midst of insults and tantrums. Recognize the battle and fight on. We serve the Mighty Counselor. Keep holding and keep loving. Fear wanted me to believe that this intense stage was the new normal and that I had ruined my family. The truth is the grief reactions were strong for awhile but did subside. We still have them but they are not as intense as the beginning. I determined in my heart not to take them personally (hard for me..if you know me). Honestly, most of them did not have a thing to do with me or other family members. And in many cases, I could not tell you exactly why each reaction occurred.

The hardest part of intense grief is that you, the parent, always get the brunt of the anger. When others were around, the girls were happy in their GAP clothes and playing well. However, at night, when it was quiet, the grief took center stage in our home. I did not want to share our "dirty laundry" with all the well-wishers but I was hurting and so were my girls. These nights were long and we both cried. (yes, I just told everyone my husband cried). We were concerned that we had somehow been led astray and our life was now in shambles. I was so very worried for my boys. Would they be able to function with this chaos at home? I was worried that they might think they were now on the back burner.

The truth is that we were not alone.

We were not in shambles.

Jesus was not shaken by our doubt or our fear.

Almost 7 months into this journey, our new normal is not what I feared. It is an amazing new place where there is both pain and joy. It is real life. It is the reality of serving Christ in a messy, broken world. Our girls are the piece that was missing in our lives.

We are thankful.

Hospital Moments For Adoptive Parents

2011-11-16T09:47:00.000-08:00

oh. stop.

The picture above is my little mr L when he was a baby.
I had a thing for towels with hoods and I loved the smell
of Johnson and Johnson's lavender lotion.
I may or may not have tried to get the boys to shower
using it last month.

I digress....

I wish I could post a picture of the girls at this age.
I don't have one. It stings. The girls ask about their
baby pictures. I don't have one to share.
I always tell them they were pretty babies...that is
evident. I always tell them they had sweet noses and
soft hair....also true. I then I stop....before I lose it.

With this being said, when the girls came home, it
was my time to bond. It was my hospital room moment to
look them over...stare into their eyes...hold them...smell
them....all those things I did when the boys were born.
When we first came home, I took time to do all the above
things daily. I took pictures of their hands, fingers, toes,
and smiles....I held them...even Miss M with blankets.
I sang to them....I would lie next to them in bed and sing
hymns...just like I did with the boys.
After the girls were in bed, it was time to give extra
love to the boys and let them know that I was still
their mama. I told Trent several times I needed clone.

Many families, especially close families, cannot understand
why in the world you (the adoptive parents) would keep
them from the baby they have prayed for with blood, sweat,
and tears. They may say you are not sharing....oh, "how will
she/he ever knew me?". In time, dear friends. The first few weeks
are CRUCIAL for the attachment process. Crucial.

The first few weeks home are the hospital moments.
It is the time to develop the beginning of a bond.
Your kiddos must know that you are the source of comfort,
food, etc. Only you can decide when you need grandma to come
or when Aunt Martha can finally get her hands on those cheeks...
It is our responsibility to guard those first few moments to ourselves.
We will not get them back.

Trust me...I struggled with this fact....I felt that I was overwhelmed
with all the wonderful people that the girls should/would meet...but
clear boundaries are needed. They are essential for your child. Your child,
most likely, has not had a family unit. They don't know all the new sounds
and smells.. He/she needs time to adjust.
You, as the parent, need time to adjust.

Also, take the needed break. I had 2 friends this summer who sat me down
and told me it was fine to take a break. Both moms were adoptive moms....and this
business about ONLY YOU and NO BREAK is just a sham. I started taking a little break once a week to grocery shop or get coffee. Boring as it may sound, these quiet moments charged
me enough to go back....and begin again. Attachment is hard work for both parent
and child. It was hard for me with 2 babies (thus, the mono...and too many late nights
doing chores...geeesh). My big lesson is to strive for a balance.

So, please grandmas, grandpas, aunties, and cousins be assured that
you will be a part of the child's life. I know it might feel weird or different
when we as adoptive parents set boundaries. However, please remember
it is not because we don't need you!! Please remember it is the hospital
moment. It is the one chance we have to begin life as a family.

If you are close family member and desire to help your family members,
please consider the following:

*preparing meals
*organizing room for the child before he/she arrives
*hosting shower for child before arrival
*errand duty (this is a good one! you can get a peek at the child, not stay, but
peek and help!! :)* my sister in law was on rice and banana duty. thank you LORD.
*welcome home balloons on the mailbox!
*yard work help
*laundry drop off and take back (oh, this is blessing)
*smothering other siblings with love and special dates
*prayer....we need prayer!
*house cleaning (if it can be done in manner that is helpful)

We, as adoptive parents, need you!!!
We love you!!!
We know it is hard.
It is hard for us, too!!
This time will pass and the new normal will form.
A wonderful, amazing new normal. :)

all in: redemptive adoption

2011-11-14T05:19:00.000-08:00

My best girl and I were talking the other day about adoption
ministries. Her church was launching a ministry offering grants
and other assistance. I asked her about the other side of it. Who
was doing the service side of it? I told her...you should do it!!
You have walked this whole road with me...you should do it!!
It might take another Chinese lunch out to convince her. :)
We talked a lot about what a successful adoption ministry would
contain and how the church can help.

Some churches tend to lean toward the "you get it!" theme
when addressing adoption. I have received lots of comments
about how wonderful we are....how amazing we are for
taking the girls in...one person called me an angel. It is
very clear that all of the above mentioned persons don't live
with me. They don't know us...at all.
There are days when I wake up and I am not sure
if I am the right person for this job.
There are days I am overwhelmed with 4 kids and all
the organization I need to have in place.
There are days that I am seriously aware that my
organization skills need an overhaul.
There are days that I really want to just
cry with them...all of them.
and yet.....He is able. He is able to bring us
what we need when we need it.

Adoption is amazing. Absolutely. However, it is also the very hard
and the very awesome mixed together. I struggle with parenting
the kids the same...but different. The girls continue to struggle
with the fear that they will be left. Without going into details, our
placing agency did not handle their homecoming well. I don't think
the girls had any idea they were staying here in America. We have
worked months and weeks (and I have a feeling it will take much longer)
to convey to the girls that we are not leaving them. Ever.
I don't think the boys really understood the girls were staying forever.
For weeks after the adoption, mr Z was still calling them "the visitors".

The above paragraph is hard to explain to others.
Others see my children in their stylish Matilda Jane clothes
and their sugary puffy hair. However, you don't see all
the invisible baggage that came with them on that plane.
My girls came home with a backpack of belongings but
a lifetime of unseen baggage. Please stand with other
adoptive families in praying for healing for our children.
Also, churches please keep in mind that an adoption ministry
without an aftercare program is a *fail*.

There are nights where I hold them and just sing to them. There are nights
that I grieve because of all the nights I missed holding them and singing to
them. There are nights that I have to trust that HIS mercies are
new every morning.

Like most Americans, we love a great story. We root for the underdog most days.
Make no mistake. I am a fan of Rudy just like the next gal.
However, the real work and the real redemption occurs after the airport. It is
hard to bring a grieving child or children into your home and literally start from
day one. So, what should the church do?

As the church, we all have so many gifts and talents.
We can all play a part in the story that God is writing in
the life of an adoptive family.
As our pastor frequently reminds us,
we are God's plan A for the world.

I have found that Jesus really intends to have the entire church
involved in the process. Many people have shared that they would love
to help but don't know how. Here are some ways that people have
helped us in the last few months (before and after the adoption):

*sorting clothes for a fundraising garage sale
*helping with fundraising
*hosting fundraisers
*house cleaning
*helping with siblings (if they need a break)
*prayer, prayer and more prayer
*emails or texts (phone calls are a luxury we don't have)
*surprise packages
*meals, meals and frozen meals
*gift cards to kid friendly places to eat
*letting us "be" and giving our attachment time
*clothing donations (we were sooo thankful)
*yard work help
*toy donations
*book donations
*understanding when we have to
take time away from usual activities
*special little gifts for all kids
*prayer, prayer, and more prayer
*bringing coffee:)

Also, here are some ways you cannot help:
*holding our children
*comforting our children
*being present in the home
*feeding our children
*arranging play dates

The first few weeks and months are about survival
for all parties. Please don't ever begin a sentence
with "in my house, I don't allow.." or "If you just did
such and such I think it would help you calm down".
Friends, not helpful, for reals.
Chances are in the house I picture in my head those
things were not happening as well.
It is about survival.

I have joked with others and said "just like Hillary
would say..it takes a village to raise
a family". I would have to say that it takes a village
and then 100 more people. Not because our children
are a charity case or because now we need the church,
but because through our help to others we truly
see the heart of Christ.

Last week, the girls and I drove over an hour to see a family
in our adoption group who just adopted from Congo. I told
the girls that we had the chance to talk to another baby from
Congo. In my very broken Lingala, we were able to talk to the
little boy and just play with him. As moms, we were able to
sit and talk about the experience.
The girls were excited to meet more children
from their country of origin.
We believe our story does
not end because we are home. It is just beginning for us.
It was such an awesome time to be able to sit and talk
to other moms in our adoption group. It was so helpful
to be able to just sit and share with each other.

After reading this post, what can you do?
How can you be involved?
Do you know someone adopting?
How can you help?
I would love to hear from you.

**full disclosure: all handwritten photos were written on scrap pieces of paper
in the school car line and then photographed. nice, huh?

i do get it, penn state. really.

2011-11-11T12:51:00.000-08:00

why i am talking about this today?
really?
a football post?

nope.
it is a post about children.
it is a post about protecting our children.
if you have been around for any amount of time,
you know i am an advocate for children.

let me tell you why this is a victory for children.
over the years, inappropriate conduct has gone overlooked.
it is swept under the rug.
no more.
people with see this case and hear the voice of children.

many years ago an incident happened under my watch.
as a coach of young high school cheerleaders, i was
enjoying being with them and re-living my glory days.:)
in the coaching faculty, a young coach had joined
the ranks. he coached another sport but he was after
school around the same time my girls were practicing.
he presented himself as a young coach who loved to
spend time with the kids.

one night, after a fundraiser, one of my girls told me a story.
she said she had been talking with the new coach in the gym. alone.
things got inappropriate and she felt uncomfortable.
things were said to her that made her cringe.
she chose to tell me.
she told me not to tell her parents.

later that night, i sat on my bed in a moral dilemma.
under the law, i had to report incidences in which
things of this nature took place. i had to tell
someone. i wanted so much for it to go away.
i did not want to be brave. i wanted to just tell him to
leave her alone and leave it at that....

i knew it was not going to go away.
i asked a close friend what to do...he told me what i
already knew to be true...if something happens and i knew anything...
anything...i could be implemented.

i met with the young coach and told him to never talk
to any of my girls again.
but....i kept going....
i counseled my student to tell her parents.
i nervously agreed to back her up with the administration.
i (shakingly) told her story and backed her up. 100 %.
fortunately, the school did act.
the coach was fired.
the girl was protected.
but, i came under a lot of scrutiny.
i applied for a teaching position at the school
that year. i did not receive the position...even though i had
been told i was the best candidate. i resigned as cheer coach
that year because things were very tense.
the young coach presented his case as the victim of an
attractive young girl who he was trying to help.
i knew better.

so, joe pa, i get it.
you might have lost everything. or maybe not.
but, years later....i can hold my head high knowing
i protected my girls. i did not allow things to escalate.
i did not wait around for the next chapter.
you, joe pa, should have been brave.
you have to protect children. at all costs.

just last year, i was told my name came up at a
party as the "rat" who told on someone.
the rat who cost a popular coach his job.
yep. i was the rat that protected a little girl.
i will be that kind of rat any day.

shame on you, penn state for not taking action.
shame on you, joe pa, for not reporting sandusky.
my prayers are with the victims and their families as they
are victimized once again in the media.
stay strong.

watcha doing?

2011-11-08T05:25:00.000-08:00

a little tuesday catch up.
mr Z had his field trip.
i may or may not have been late and had
to meet him there with his class.
but, i made it! i was alone!
mr Z and i had a great time.
running on hay bails...

riding metal cows.
seriously, how cute is this little beef?
we had a date afterwards and he talked.
he talked!
we had so much fun.
i love love love this boy.

on to halloween around here....

getting all the "yuck" out of the pumpkins and then carving
them was hilarious. the boys had fun some little pumpkins push
in eyeball thingys (how's that for a name?) and added some
crazy to the carving!

and this...well, this is just too sugary.
i was worried about scary costumes.
i had an off day in which i took the girls
to the party store to pick up a couple of items.
*fail*
halloween gore is NOT funny when you have lived
in a third world country. it was hard to explain why
the store would have put up those gory costumes.
i just told them that some people think that it is
fun to act like they are hurting.
the girls were obviously appalled at the thought of it.
*me too*
in order to avoid the scariest of costumes,
we decided to go out right after dinner.
everyone did fine and the boys were funny
as they showed the girls the ins and outs of
acquiring insane amounts of sugar.

it took all of about 2 minutes for miss M to realize
that you could go up to the neighbor's door and
say trick or treat (in a glorious french accent) and
get loads and loads of sugar.

GOD BLESS THE USA. the land of free candy and
crazy mask wearing ....i seriously wish at times i could
step inside their precious brains and just listen to
their thoughts.....the boys were the "protectors" of the
princesses....*enter foreshadowing here*

the face of a little girl who yelled "I SO HAPPY!" as she
went house to house getting all the candy in the world!!!

best costume?
oh, good thing i brought my close up lens.
you all would have missed THIS guy. i have no idea who
he is and i, in fact, wave to him as i took his picture.

dear peyton,
please get well soon or we will never ever win again.
love, amy

this peyton had some halloween swagger
as is evident in the above photo.

today is tuesday! (motto master of the obvious)
however, it is giveaway day!
leave a comment on the post above and you could
*win* a gift card to AMC.

yes, it exists. a giveaway

2011-11-06T08:13:00.000-08:00

i saw it twice already.

before seeing it, i read a review that stated
it was a movie to
make white people feel better.

*wow*

i would disagree. as a white woman, i felt so
awful after i saw it. there were many phrases
and other things that i had heard growing up.
i was born in the 70s and i remember some of
those phrases being used around me by older
family members.

and yet...here i am years later with my amazing
family. a family that God so graciously allowed me
to experience. there were times during the movie that
i thought "that could be my daughter"...they could have
done those things to my daughters. my daughters.
and...there were a few times that my kleenex could
not hold my tears.

i read something on twitter written by david platt.
he wrote "the word orphan has a deeper meaning
when you see faces and hear names"...the word
racist has deeper meaning when you see faces and
you hear names. to be more aware of the racism that
still exists, we have to see faces....know names.
our lives should be a diverse place where we engage
with the plight of others around us...not just for white
people but all races...the way God intended for us to be.
diversity in the area of social status, race and other areas
allows us to see the bigger picture of what God has for us.
it could reveal areas in which we could help others.
it could reveal areas in which we could be helped ourselves.
as our pastor stated last week, we are plan A.
the church, God's people.
we are plan A for the world.

a few weeks ago a friend of mine was looking for
a place to live. i was looking and looking trying to
find a place for her. i finally found one on the outskirts of
town and i called to check availability.
good news!
the apartment was available. my friend called
and they told her the apt was ready. so, she took
a couple of family members and headed to see the place.
when she arrived, the landlord said "oh, you have a
nice speaking voice". my friend later told me she knew
what that meant. she was surprised my friend was black.
after the tour, my friend was told she would receive a phone call.
she received one: she did not qualify.
huh?
she asked why: no answer.

so, i could not let it go.
i called and talked to the landlord.
i asked her to tell me the qualifications for
acceptance for the apartment.
no answer.
i knew the answer.
my friend knew the answer.

how will we make a difference?
how will our interactions with others reveal who we are?
i am praying right now about ways our family
can share Christ with those around us.
since we are already a target for questions, what
answers could we give that point others to the
redemptive grace of Christ?

i decided to do a giveaway for a gift card to AMC.

go see it. make a difference.
to win? leave a comment.
and yes, "hi there" qualifies as a comment:)

winner will be drawn tuesday.

random IPHONE moments

2011-10-27T06:33:00.000-07:00

oh. my.
remember our praying mantis? (the summer pet)
the crickets in our yard are hibernating...so, we had to
go and buy some crickets. we were able to get 14 for $1.80.
i could not hold the bag....i had to call my son over for
some help. eeek.
yes...our little "trap" as we call him is still alive.
(and eating crickets whole...aah...)

oh..this one and her mirror. she was admiring her
teeth before dinner. "oh, pretty mino (teeth)" she
tells me....so hilarious.

here is what happened when i said "show mama
your pretty teeth!" oh. the cheesy goodness.

we were very nice parents and took the kids to
ice cream over the weekend. they were so excited
to choose crazy flavors. this one chose a really crazy
flavor and loved it....so much he dripped out every
little bit.

i saw this in the paper pile over the weekend. mr L's class has
been talking about hardship and something that has made
a difference in your life. i am not sure he totally understood
the question....but something that made a difference in your life
was what he told me....love his answer. :)

this was my fortune the other day.
good news.
i don't have time to advance socially right now. :)

i have been making some new hair accessories for the girls.
i am thinking about maybe selling some for Christmas.
so fun to make and they don't hurt my hands as much
as making jewelry does right now. hmm.....

no way to wrap this randomness up.
stay tuned soon for a movie ticket giveaway
and review. :)

Look Around

2011-10-19T10:19:00.001-07:00

hello eweybodyee!
(this is what the girls are saying for everybody)

i am supposed to be resting as much as possible.
yes, i am resting. yes, i have 4 kids. yes, i am feeling slightly overwhelmed.
i made it to dance class today and guess who did the moves! miss little M!

i napped yesterday and i was able to have our Bible study group over
last night for our weekly study.
we just are reading erasing hell by francis chan.
wow. wow. wow.

it is very convicting as to how we view our time here on earth.
how am i sharing Christ and His love with those around me?
i struggle with sharing my faith in a "street preachy" type of way.
for sure...i know there is a time and place for all types of approaches..but,
i struggle with just blurting it out. equally hard...and awkward...can be
forging relationships with others and then trying to really share how and why
i believe what i believe.

since adopting the girls, my faith has become very real.
people ask me questions all the time.
really. all the time.

since i have to have some answers, i have been able to pray and come up with responses
that i think reflect our hearts. when we had our first child, i really struggled
with my place in the world. i was instantly a stay at home mama. my only real
adult conversation was a planned event, phone call, or the husband. it was
a tough transition. as i began to ask God how i could serve one morning, i
felt Him telling me to "look around". look around? yes, i was serving my children.
however, when i really began to pray about what he had for me....looking around
meant trying to get involved with the community around me. i went to target, kroger,
and a million other places during the week. i had interactions with people. i could
reach out....but isn't that awkward?
how would people view me?
would i become the "awkward question asker"?

in short, ah, YES.
it was awkward at first. i started by asking people how they were
doing and waiting for an answer. i know. start small. it was tough for me. i was worried
i would unearth some major drama. at times, i did unearth drama. but, most of all i found
people ready to share and ready to be valued.

over time, i have had some great stories. our physical therapist for mr Z came to Christ.
our neighbors started asking questions...deeper questions. i just kept going....and going...
some exchanges were hilarious like when a group of women laid hands
on the girls and i at goodwill. they prayed very loudly. miss M's eyes were huge.

or, last week....

i was coming home from the mole adventure. if you don't know what happened...read below. anyway, i was JUST telling God on the way home that i was TIRED. so tired. i was sitting in
a silent car (a rare blessing) when i turned in our neighborhood. i saw a woman trying to talk
to an elderly man as he was waving his cane in the air at her. odd.

had he escaped?
was she trying to help him?
they will figure it out.

i came to the stop sign and prepared to turn on our street.
when i gently felt the Lord tell me to go back.
NO. i am TIRED.
i had just talked to him about that fact.
no matter.
i could not win...i turned the car around and went to investigate.
there she was....standing there looking scared.
i rolled down the window...

"are you ok?"
"no, i am lost! i have been walking in circles."

she was trying to get to a local place for an interview.
i asked her where she was going...and then...
i just told her to get in.
"oh, thank you. i just prayed for help."

we road together and she told me a little of her story.
she looked at me and saw my bracelets from the hospital
and said "uh, did you just leave the hospital?"
"yes..i did."
oh no. she thinks i am looney.
"but for moles"...i continued..."i have moles"
(nice, huh? see, i am no professional)

we get to the destination and she thanks me.
she tells me she is a Christian.
i tell her that i felt God nudge me to help her.
i tell her i am a Christian.
i tell her i will pray for her interview.
she smiles.
the end.

serving God and sharing His love is not rocket science.
i am an example of how He uses broken and tired people.
He does not only use the Beth Moores of the world.
He can use you.
He can use anyone if we just look around.

mom guilt

2011-10-14T05:06:00.000-07:00

anyone who has been a parent understands guilt.

i remember when mr L was born and i first encountered
the world of mommies. we were at the park and another
mother was talking about her way of parenting. she was
an all natural kind of gal and she made me feel as though
i was just ridiculous for feeding my child regular baby food.
she talked about only going to one place to get her ingredients.
i felt so bad that i went home and tried some of her recipes.
mr L gagged and nearly puked on the new food i gave him.

mr L as a baby

now if you are an all natural special ingredient mama, please
don't take offense. i certainly think that it is a parents right
and sometimes need to choose different foods for their children.
i am speaking to the fact that i following a friend's advice
to "fit in".

slowly and surely i knew i just could not listen to everything
that was coming my way. i knew what was healthy for my son
and he was healthy and happy. i was cooking fresh food for him
that he liked and he was eating some baby foods to sneak in veggies.
i was not changing his eating because i thought it was the right thing.
i was changing it because of my own issues. my own guilt.

adoption guilt is much like mom guilt.
when the girls first arrived home, they were traumatized.
everything they were experiencing was new and different.
i often say that just because they came from a difficult place
does not take away the fact that they missed that place.
home is home no matter where home might be.
the place of difficulty was all they had ever known.

on top of all the expected changes for the girls, we had some
surprises. their names were different then what we anticipated
and their language was one that was hard to find words to hear
and learn before they arrived. i was a nervous new mom in a lot
of ways. i could hardly communicate with the girls
and the boys were looking to me to calm the whole joint down!
then, IT arrived in my heart. the mom guilt.

i felt horrible that the boys were on the back burner while
we tried to stabilize the girls. the girls were trying to figure out
if we had food, water and shelter for them. they could not
understand a word we said to them. the boys were upset
because the girls seemed unhappy to be home. they were
so excited for them to come home and the girls seemingly
felt as though they just wanted to get out of dodge.
in fact, one of our struggles the first 2 weeks was keeping miss M
in the house. whenever the door opened...she ran!

it was a long first few weeks and there were many tears on my
part. i felt so guilty that i could not be all things to all kids.
i wanted to bring peace to our home and i could not think
through all the chaos. i was tired and emotional.
one night, after everyone was in bed, i told trent i just did not
know how i was going to parent the next day. i was begging for him to stay home
and sub for me. he listened to me
and my reasons why i was feeling so guilty. i remember after i
had verbally thrown up on him he said "HIS mercies are new
every morning". new every morning. i could go to sleep and not
fear the next day because the Lord was going to give me exactly
what i needed. i don't mean that suddenly i was the super nanny
around here. i was not. at all. however, i realized that the Lord
could give me what i needed for the next day.

i was a mama who loved her children and i could try to
spend the day without guilt.
i had forgotten where my true
help came from and i was trying to hold it together on my own.

i have said adoption is very good and very hard.
the hardest part for me is not relying on my good ideas,
the input of others, or even the things i have read.
not that those things are useless but they do have their place.
i have to trust in the ONE who made my children. HE saw their every
day on this earth. HE knows their story. HE knows how many
hairs on their little sugary heads. HE knows my biological children.
HE knows their deepest needs and desires. HE is with them.
HE can minister to their hearts and HE can make sense of
all the chaos because HE is not bound by our thoughts or our ways.
i could trust HIM in the midst of the chaos i felt in my heart.

Isaiah 55:8-9 (NIV)

⁸ “For my thoughts are not your thoughts,
neither are your ways my ways,”
declares the LORD.
⁹ “As the heavens are higher than the earth,
so are my ways higher than your ways
and my thoughts than your thoughts.

here is the same passage in the message:

I don't think the way you think.
The way you work isn't the way I work."
God's Decree.
"For as the sky soars high above earth,
so the way I work surpasses the way you work,
and the way I think is beyond the way you think.
Just as rain and snow descend from the skies
and don't go back until they've watered the earth,
Doing their work of making things grow and blossom,
producing seed for farmers and food for the hungry,
So will the words that come out of my mouth
not come back empty-handed.
They'll do the work I sent them to do,
they'll complete the assignment I gave them.

i don't want to paint a picture of rainbows and bunnies.

i do struggle with mom guilt here and there. however, i fight it now. i don't let it consume me and the purpose i have in my kids' lives. HIS mercies are new every morning.

my molestake

2011-10-09T12:13:00.000-07:00

oh the stories i have this week.
we have had a series of unfortunate events.
a series.

first, my hard drive crashed on my computer.
yep. gone.
at first we thought we could not get everything
back...but then my smart AND cute husband
realized all of our info was on the extra hard
drive...after a few hours of work...we had it.
all of mr Z's childhood and the girls' first pictures
home. LESSON LEARNED. my new goal is to
get those books done!!! i have to get the kids'
memory books done!!!!

i have been exhausted lately. exhausted.
i had mono in college and i told husband that
i felt as though i had mono. i was so worn out.
turns out...i was right.
i have adult mono.
who has that?
really?
in my middle thirties with the kissing disease?
are you kidding me?
and there is no pill? only sleep?
Lord help me.

on top of those 2 items...as if things were not
dramatic enough over here...i had to have FOUR moles
removed. yes, i just wrote that on my blog.
moles.
our family has a history of skin cancer.
so, every year i head to the plastic surgeon
to get moles removed. gross and very true.
if you have moles, not only are you not alone,
there are lots of moley people (hope you are not
reading this during a meal)...and moley people
need to be checked.

so, i have had many moles removed. many.
the doctor knows my name...by heart.
i went to the surgery center.
i knew full well that i had 4 moles that were leaving me.
i put on the robe of shame and tried to hold it so that
i would not put anyone into counseling.
i was directed to the surgery room where heavy metal music
was being played. i promptly blurted out "this place is
creepy". the nurse informed me that most who entered
the surgery room were asleep. yeah. still creepy.

after that first 2 numbing shots, i fell apart.
i don't know if i was tired or just not up to the
task at hand. i turned to the doctor and said
"step away from the table". he laughed as though
i was kidding. oh no. i started bawling. crazy had
fallen upon the surgery room and if i did not get it
together i was going to be put to sleep.
after 5 minutes of crying,
i calmed down and asked the perplexed doctor to
return to the mole work.. after he was done, he
told me things went well and he was going to lunch.
really? that is gross.
as the nurse was talking to me, i looked on the table
and saw bottles with my moles in them. again, i really
hope you are not eating. i then blurted out "oh, that
is wrong. how you can you just have that stuff laying out?"
she tells me this is her "normal". eewww.

the entire time i was proud of myself for not bolting.
however, every time i go...i think of the clip below from
austin powers....and giggle to myself.
my molestake.

enjoy the video below :) (click the picture to start)

alvin intervention

2011-09-30T19:00:00.000-07:00

photo taken from sweetslyrics.com

we have had a tough kind of a tough day at the homestead
today. so, i thought i would share our chipmunk issue.
if only...if only...chipmunks would be like alvin.
singing justin beiber and filling stadiums with fans.

we have..well...a chipmunk problem.
they are everywhere...everywhere.
we had no idea why until we met our neighbor.
she is a chipmunk lover.
she feeds them corn. lots of corn.

for some reason the chipmunks feel at home in our home.
last year we came home to a terrible smell in our home.
my parents had taken us to disney for Christmas.
happily home from the happiest place on earth, we came
home to the worst smell on earth.
for days...it lingered. and the frebreeze commercials
are wrong. i used bottles of it. no luck.
anyway, moving right along...we though we would
try and trap them. until one day we caught one who
tried to escape. oh the horrid-ness (is that a word?).

so, this whole time our neighbor has been watching our antics.
she became extremely upset with us and
would not speak to us because of her love...of chipmunks.
out of guilt, we tried to not hurt them..just deter them.

until last week...i opened the garage door to a mess...
and i saw 2 of them running back and forth in the garage.
upon further investigation...they had eaten through
the front of the garage and crawled into the garage.
yes, you read that right.
eaten through the front of our garage.

we tried to get the chipmunks out of the garage.
we so tried...which is much harder than just trying.
we had to trap them.
we trapped them...and miss M was horrified.
the thought of chipmunks in the garage was unsettling.
it was awful.
the most awful part after is that miss M
turned to me and said "oh mama, we not eat it??"
oh. my.
i don't know where the mis-translation was on that one.
somewhere our lines were crossed and poor sugar
thought mama was making alvin for dinner.

with distress i must write that we have not conquered our
chipmunk issue. i don't know what to do. i saw bits of corn
in our garage today and i did not hear sarah mclachlan singing
about the plight of animals.

we need a chipmunk intervention.
ideas welcome.

questions

2011-09-28T20:02:00.000-07:00

http://www.flickr.com/people/lwr/
taken by leo reynolds

when we were waiting for the girls to come home,
i would sit and stare at their pictures.
for various reasons, we could not meet them before they
were escorted home. we had no idea what their
voices were like or what they liked to do.
in fact, we knew very little about them at all.
i did a lot of imagining. i would stare at the pictures
and wonder what they might be like.
in the early pictures, i saw pain. they were both crying.
i thought if only i could hold them...comfort them..shelter them...

a part of my grieving as an adoptive mama is that i cannot take
away the questions. i can hold them. i can kiss boo boos.
i can go through 2 boxes of band-aids a week for fake boo boos.
i can love them with the love of Christ.
but, other than that...i am powerless to heal or to
answer their questions...the hurt they have experienced.
yes, i have practiced my answers.
yes, i have a little one who asks questions.
but..those really deep and hurting questions...
i cannot answer those questions.

at times, this feeling of sadness comes over me.
i want so much to help.
mr L said the other day..."oh, mom...you know me.
ever since i was a baby..you knew me."
i did not realize the great privilege i had of holding
my newborn sons...really holding them. i was so
incredibly happy when they were born...but i had no idea
what a privilege it was to hold and care for them.
i would hold them and sing my favorite hymns.
i don't why...it comforts me to sing hymns from
my childhood...and it comforted the boys.
those moments are so precious.
now, i see what an incredible gift they were to us.

i want that time with my girls.
i want that infant time with them.
i grieve the fact that i did not hold them.
i don't know if they sucked their thumbs.
i don't know when they were potty trained.
i don't know so much.
i grieve the fact that they have scars i cannot fix.
as much as i hold them and sing to them now, i hurt
when they ask me about their baby pictures.

i have spent a lot of time praying about their questions
and about my questions. i have come to one conclusion.
i don't have all the answers. truth be told...i don't even
have answers sometimes for the kids i birthed!
for me, it is an act of surrendering and laying all of it...
the true, the might be true and the i have no idea
at the feet of the One of knows all.

if there is one thing i have learned through all of this is that i am a
very, very small picture of what God is doing in their lives.
He was with them in their country of origin.
He was there the day they were born.
He was there with them. He saw them.
of the millions of children in their country alone without families,
He brought us together.

i also tell the girls that they are loved, wanted and precious.
just like esther, i want my girls to know they can make a difference.

it is my joy to give them a vision of what could be.
i ask them what they want to be when they grow up...
how they want to change the world.
i don't believe it was some random process that matched us.
i believe God's hand was on the entire process.

i am learning each day to lay it down.
i am practicing letting go of the questions that haunt me.
i am laying at the feet of my Savior.
i pray that my girls are comforted by Him.
it is through Him that the healing can begin.

so cute, mama

2011-09-26T10:37:00.000-07:00

oh. my.
the stories this little has to tell.
she is such a joy.
don't get me wrong..she is 2...really 2..
like drama on the floor 2...
but she is pure sugar.

she is a papa's girl. she wants mama for bed but
papa...oh especially a shaven face papa is just her favorite.
her sister is her "bef frien" and she loves her brothers..the ya yas.
her most favorite thing is to play with her baby (ga-bica-bica) and
her barbie house.

when the boys are at school, we try to think of things to fill our day.
some days we head out for fried rice...a favorite comfort food.
after eating rice last week, miss little M wanted to read the
fortune cookies...i always make up fortunes for them.
miss M asked what her fortune was for the day.
i said "oh, it says Jesus loves you"...miss M smiled.
then, without missing a beat, miss little M picks up
her sheet and says "oh mama. mime says 'oh you so cute' ."

oh. my.

then, after church on sunday...i picked her up from her class.
thank you LORD they love church now!
i asked her what she learned about...she said "JESUS!"
then she says..."my teacher say me 'oh you so cute'. "

this weekend she was singing in her little high pitched voice
Jesus loves me..the whole time ...rocking out in her pink guitaire,
pink dress, pink tights and camel color fake uggs-deemed fuggs.
yep. she is something.

she is so cute.

stay tuned this week for a birthday tale....
we have had a fun weekend!

no. i can't.

2011-09-20T13:17:00.000-07:00

2 of my 4 kiddos have called me into the living room..

"mom! mom!" ..they scream...i come in to hear the news...

"look mom! pajama jeans! you would LOVE those! do you want them for Christmas?"

children, one of who has not been home a year yet, what on earth would possess you to think your thirty something mother would want these pants? is it because i have a dress up and sleep sweats? is it because showering some days is a luxury? is it because...well...you asked me if we are going to church if i dress up these days? or..you think we are going to church if my hair is down? i can't wear them, children. they are not socially acceptable....i mean....they are only $34.00 plus $7.00 for shipping but i just can't buy them...don't think that i did not feel the pair that "fell" out of the package at CVS...and thought...what...if....no. no. i can't.

EVEN if the grey t-shirt comes free with the order.

i am a couponer. in fact, just recently...i started really getting into the whole coupon thing. i have saved about $100 this month...i think. it is hard....and i have to go with a list or i just get overwhelmed...but i have come home with free things like laundry detergent and dishwasher thingys..you know. cascade plastic packets. anyway, it is freeing.

while couponing, i notice these adds...in every paper. do people order these things? really?

like the sweatsuit below....i mean..don't get me wrong...i love me some sweats..but, no.

oh..so then we have this...

the mail order comfort bra?? eeek.

you are going to order a bra from a company you don't know..and you can't try it on..you just know it looks like this? uh.

what's the free surprise gift with purchase advertised on the bottom?

ok. so, yes...i wear flip flops a lot. a lot.

but...i am not sure this is the answer. is that just like athletic tap on a piece of foam? could i craft that? really? i bet i could craft that thing. how does the "thing" hold the toes down?

i am confused.

think women have all the issues?

nope. guys here is something for you. don't go to the gym. don't work out. no reason at all. just wear this little diddy and you are all good. its like a dream...so it looks. i guess just don't wear shirts that are thin...or like go to the beach..do they make a nude version for beachwear...you know..like skin tone? kinda frightening.

and..doesn't that guy in the men's slimming shaper look familiar?

is that the guy that is on the real housewives of whatever?

anyways......

just had to share....with...someone....

we all see color.

2011-09-20T10:12:00.000-07:00

we all see color.

the other day i entered a home with a bright pink dining room.
i definitely noticed the color because all of the other rooms
were a light beige. maybe the family enjoys dinner?

when the girls came home, mr L was sure everyone noticed
our family "did not match". when we went to
pizza hut one night, the waitress came to the table to
ask for our drink order. "i will take chocolate milk"..
immediately followed by "we have new sisters. they
are african!" she laughed and replied with "i can see that, sweetie"

or...the following week at church....mr L announces to the entire
class before the girls walk in..."i bet you guys are so excited
that africans are here!" he thought the difference was exciting
for everyone...he was excited.

mr Z had a tough time when the girls arrived. he lost his place as
the baby boy. he would cringe when people asked questions. to him,
blending into the background was a luxury he had lost. he would
turn shades of red when people asked questions.

for me, i am somewhere in the middle.
i have had people comment
that they don't see color. huh???
yes, we all see color.

i think God fully intended for us to see color....and celebrate the differences.
along the way, many have believed the lie that we should all blend
together...co-habitate and just become a beige wave...i don't think
God intended this at all. i truly believe that His intention was for
us to celebrate the unique way in which He designed us.

(my sugary ballerinas)

there have been times when others make sweet comments to us.
or, other adoptive parents smile and say hello. there are also
times, like last week in target, that i wished so much that the world was
one beige wave. we had a few people in back of us
that just kept staring and finally asked an awkward question.
for me, it is remembering that God designed our family in
an amazingly unique way...one that i treasure. i don't have to
defend what God did and i don't have to answer questions.

seeing color is important...for us, it is an important part of
celebrating God's design and incredible love for us....

(picking apples last weekend)

for the really real

2011-09-12T12:51:00.000-07:00

i have to admit.
i am LATE to the party on this author.
those of you in MOPS may know her.
jen hatmaker.

i discovered her when a friend on twitter posted
her blog post: after the airport.

i read the post probably about 10 times. crying.
by the time i got to the tenth time...i had to know
more about this lady.

mama. adoptive mama. author.

yep. she now has a new follower on twitter and FB...
her post was for the really real.

what's that? well, years ago a friend of mine had
a phone call for someone on her phone. she had no idea
who it was....when she told the caller they person had the wrong
number she heard..."for the really real?" about 5 times.
the caller could not believe she had the wrong number.
i won't forget it.

for the really real.
the post was written for real people.
jen has received some backlash for the post. some have
said she is going to deter adoption. really? i think adoptive
parents and those called to adoption know exactly why they
are adopting. i don't think anything/anyone would "deter" them.
strong communities are an important part of strong families.

point being: if you were 2 months into a marriage
and you confided in a friend
that things were really hard...unbearable at times
....most people would say "find some
great Christian counseling...this is forever"....

so, why,
in the adoption community
are we not saying the same thing to one another?

find a community. get help. share what you can. you are not alone.
and yes...the commitment is forever. it can be done. there are those who
have gone before you. trust Him. trust His word.

instead of acting like we were just the perfect
family, we chose to be honest. when people say, "oh, i bet
you smile all day" or "oh, your family is so wonderful"..we
are honest. yes, our family is awesome.
yes, we are having a hard time.
yes, our love is real.
for the really real.

it is time to be real.
not for the sake of drama or sharing too much,
but tell someone. find a community.
i would be lost without mine.
we don't have it figured out.
i don't have answers in neat packages.
some days..i don't think i have any answers.
it is just real.

birth mamas

2011-09-12T09:17:00.000-07:00

this is a view from the top of sears tower.
(i know...i just can't get myself to call it the willis tower now:)
when trent was in chicago on a business trip,
the kids and i tagged along. literally.
that is a story for another post.

i was loading the pictures and this had me thinking.
the girls flew into chicago to come home.
it was a world away, literally, from where
they were living.
things changed so drastically. so immediately.

i have been doing a lot of reading about birth families.
i have been trying very hard to comprehend
the loss my girls have endured.
i have been asking God for wisdom in parenting
them through the loss they have experienced...at the same
time we are praying about how to parent all the kiddos
through this time. lots of praying going on. :)

when i look at the girls before church in their dresses, i think
their birthmama must have been so beautiful.
her babies are gorgeous, funny and so talented.
we get so many comments about how our boys look like trent.

i wonder who my girls looked like?

in reading about birthmamas, i read a book called Message From an Unknown Chinese Mother. the book gives a vivid and disturbing picture of what life is like under China's one child law. in reading it, i was moved by the helpless feelings many of the mothers felt. in my girls' country, as in china, many mothers face situations that i cannot even fathom.

i also read two incredible posts written by birth mothers.

kristen howerton (rage against the minivan) posted
an incredible story here.

and...my sweet friend jaren posted this post on her
facebook the other day.

my hope is that i could gain some knowledge and some understanding of what my girls and their birth mother must have endured/felt. for me, i have lots of questions to lay at the cross
....lots of prayers for wisdom....
...and a birth mama to which i will always remember and honor.

becoming a SIX

2011-09-10T06:44:00.000-07:00

becoming a family is hard work.
attachment is hard work.
it is not something that just "comes".
it is a conscious effort to create an environment
that fosters safety and love....despite what the reactions
of the children might be....many think or have thought that
if you talk in a sweet voice or just really show kindness
to adopted children...they will understand.
unfortunately, due to many factors, adopted children
don't trust what you say. they react to you all the time
causing many of us parents to be baffled at what might
have set them off....it is usually for reasons we may
not understand or detect. it is usually because of the
unseen scares that they bare.

under the GAP clothes, the sugary hair, the beautiful smiles
is a soul that has experienced the most painful of losses.
it is hard for me to even comprehend the hurt and loss my
girls have experienced. mr L said it perfect when the girls
arrived...he said..."mama, in the top of their hurts they are
sad...but in the bottom of their hearts they are happy"...wow.
i will never forget the words he said that day. their hearts have
been broken in ways that should never happen to a child.

amidst the very real heartache, there have also been some very
hilarious moments. in the pictures, you can see which brother
is the most tolerant of the little sisters:)

we had a friend over the first few weeks. when miss older M
started speaking to her in a different language, her friend's
eyes lit up! "are you speaking SPANISH?"...i think her
friend thought she had just met dora the explorer.

we have a resident hairdresser. she cannot stand it that her
brothers would EVER go out in public with hair that stands
straight up. she grabs her pink comb and fixes the mess.
again, the patient brother waits and thanks her for a
job well done. and me? well, i am just glad that i am
not the only one the notices these things. geesh.

and..so here we are...the six of us.
the very good and the very hard.
but not bad.
we are blessed.

the summer that went.....

2011-08-31T20:31:00.001-07:00

wow.
2 in school?
how are they so old?

i know. all parents say those types of things..
but really, how?
i think the youngest boy was trying to make
me cry by losing a tooth and going to school
in the same week. sad.

i feel like the summer went by so quickly. we had a small list of things to we wanted to do but it was tough when the family grew. we have some very funny stories about things that did happen to us...all of us. our biggest accomplishment? i would say becoming a "six".

remember this picture?

i posted it before the girls came with all of their barbie and play gear.
my "adoptive mama" therapy was getting the dollhouse ready.
it is one of our main places of play and also a chance for me to
get a glimpse into what life was like for them before they arrived home.
many times i wish they would just sit down over a nice tall glass of
chocolate milk and tell me everything. i know very well now that
healing takes time....lots of time and lots of respect for what they
have been through in their short lives.

i won't talk about what they have been through. the story is their
story and for them to tell when/if they are ready. but i can talk about
the miraculous process of healing and becoming a family.

things like seeing glimpses of myself or my husband in my girls.
i am quick to point out..."you are so much like mama, mama loves
to eat corn, too". we are enjoying getting to know each other and
the amazing way God knitted our family together.

our time the last few months has not been without pain, but it is
one of the most miraculous times i have experienced as well.
i am very proud of my children. my boys have stepped up to the
plate...my girls have been so brave to trust. i am filled with hope
watching them together.

i thought you might enjoy a picture of the
dollhouse "in action". we were busy doing barbie's
hair for her photo shoot. :)

well, hello.

2011-08-18T10:06:00.000-07:00

here we are!!!

it has been a long time since i sat down and did some blogging. we have been spending time on the hard work of attachment and becoming a close knit family. things are going well for the most part and i think we are getting in the grove of being a family of six! many, many things have changed...lots more laundry and a bigger grocery bill...but, most of the things that have changed are unseen. they are being done in our hearts as well live the journey set before us.

as much as would love to say "we have arrived"

...we know in our hearts that the Lord is moving.

sometimes i feel as though his answers are fast and others i know will take time.

it is a journey...not a marathon...i repeat to myself.

i have thought long and hard about where we should go with this blog. as many of you know, my work is continuing through others who want to provide forever families for children. right now, jill is the next mama to carry the stinky toes design torch! :) however, this blog was created for the purpose of sharing our journey with others. as our journey included adoption, i think that it is fitting for the this space to be devoted to family and adoption issues. let's be frank...i am no therapist (although i am closely related to one:) but, i have had some experiences and research that has become extremely helpful.

as we navigate this road...

the journey of our family...

talk soon!

well, hello there.

2011-06-19T22:27:00.000-07:00

here we are!!!!

we have been absent for a little while as we become a family.
we are growing every day.
wow....i can hardly believe that they are home.

we have had several funny moments. mr L has introduced
the girls as his african sisters quite a bit. he is so very proud
of his sisters. mr Z has finally stopped calling them the visitors.
oh, yes. the visitors. :)

our days are filled with princess, babies, and bubbles...
as well as weapons and mud. i could write lots of posts
on the differences between boys and girls. wow.

i think this picture is just too sweet for words.

or this one....she cannot stand when he does not comb
his hair....i laugh so hard at her. oh miss M.

we are so thankful for the girls coming home. there are
no words for the joy they bring and the blessing it is to
parent them. oh...how we love them.

talk again soon!
xo

HOME

2011-05-09T20:21:00.000-07:00

oh our God is amazing.
THANK YOU to all of you who gave to bring our girls home.
THANK YOU to all of you who supported my
jewelry business for the sake of our girls.

they are HOME.

we just finished our first week as a family of SIX.

so much to share...
watch for more soon!!!
xoxo

business announcement!!!!

2011-04-22T09:00:00.000-07:00

Business Announcement!

Many of you have asked "what will happen to Stinky Toes"?

After many months of prayer, the Lord answered my prayer in a wonderful way. I prayed for an adoptive family to be able to partner with us and be able to give to their own adoption. Through a series of God-timed events, I met Jill. Jill and Tim are hoping to adopt a child domestically and need to raise funds to do so. We have been working together for a few weeks. She is ready and will be taking over special orders and the Stinky Toes business while we become a family!

Here is a bit of Jill's story:

My husband Tim and I have been friends since j.r high, when were in youth group. After years of not seeing each other, a random phone call reconnected us. Our friendship blossomed, and now we have been married for over 4 years. We spent the first 3 years of our marriage getting out of debt, besides the mortgage. We have been talking about adoption since before we were married, as we both had it pulling on our hearts. But we know we have to remain debt free, so we are starting on our ways of raising money. I am partnering with my friend Amy and her business, Stinky Toes Design, to make jewelry, And Tim is taking his passion of collecting autographs and selling those. We are so excited to see this path unfold!

To learn more about Jill and Tim...
and to PLACE your custom ORDER...
please visit Jill at
http://www.james127onourhearts.blogspot.com
or email her at debtfreebark@yahoo.com

i am so excited for this SPECIFIC answer to prayer!

hello all: still here

2011-04-20T18:10:00.000-07:00

we are still here!

we have a date when the girls will be home with us!

it is soon....we are praying for all the details. it is really

a crazy time at our house as we prepare for our amazing

daughters. the boys are getting pretty excited...and we are

just getting giddy over here. :) i will post when they arrive...

it will be a little while...keep praying.

we covet your prayers!

xoxo

still going...

2011-04-01T09:16:00.000-07:00

still waiting!
it was as busy week... some documents were we waiting
on came through! great answer to prayer. we are waiting
for a couple of final documents now.

the room is ready.
i should post pics of the room!
i can do that! i will take them.

should be soon....very soon.
praying for provision and for all details.

stay tuned....

rest.

2011-03-16T20:12:00.000-07:00

nope. not my bed.
i just thought it was so awesome.
looks like a place i could sleep for hours.

if you like it
and have lots of extra mola...head here

this post is about rest.
i have realized i need it.
after 2 weeks of sickness and 2 kiddos
that need mommy right now...i need
to take a break...

the girls arrival is getting closer...we pray.
rest assured...when they arrive...i will post
pictures of our family! i am one proud mama.
however, right now, i just need to rest and
spend time with my family.

i have not been able to really run my business
the way i would like to because i am stretched
too thin right now....wish that was literal...
anyway,
i am running on E. i can't get to emails, orders, etc.
during the day because i really need to be
with my boys and super attentive to them.
at night...i am just tired.
emotionally and physically.

i will still have pieces over at gallery 116.
however, i will not be taking custom orders.
i don't know when this will change.

i will check in here and there.
your prayers are coveted. we need them.
our God is able. we are trusting Him. daily.

talk soon,
amy

this just ain't pretty, friends

2011-03-03T16:27:00.000-08:00

i have sat down many times since feb. 21 (last blog post) to write. i wanted to write something fun...after all..we are fun people..mostly...and this blog is a fun place....with the jewelry designing and all....but, it just did not happen. i was cleaning the this past weekend and took this picture. after a few days, i thought the above picture described all of us right now. i want to give a real picture of what adoption (specifically international adoption) is like right now. it is hard. very hard. there are days when trent and i both just kind of stare at each other. it feels like we have children who continue to stay overnight at a friend's house and don't come home. we received news that the process is slowing down: again. our faith is being tested. every. day. in the midst of all these feelings we have real life. we have two amazing boys who need us. all of us. trent has work and i also have my jewelry. we have jobs to do and children to love. however, there is a noticeable hole in our hearts. just the other day someone asked me "how many children do you have"? i tried to answer the question and then got in my van to cry.

this week we got the flu on sunday. it has been awful. last night i just prayed for all the sickness to go away. as we all know, sometimes things become even bigger when you are sick/tired. the little things in life that would normally not bother us seem to really bother us this week. we have been fighting a good fight and finishing the race as well as we can. yet, the biggest lesson i have learned is that when you say "yes" to the Lord things are not rosy posy. however, i look back and i do see the beauty in the "yes". i know that one day when we hold our children the whole labor of this time will wash away. my friends, right now the labor is hard.

i had the joy of seeing some of my michigan family last weekend. i saw them and started bawling. in the middle of cheesecake factory. it was quite a scene. my group of college girls have been together for years. we have laughed, cried, mourned and celebrated together over the years. they mean so much to me. it was a gift during this time of labor.

so, i hope that i have not depressed you too much. quite frankly, i just can't pretty it up right now. the wait is hard. the longing is hard. the fight is hard. the desire to hold our children makes our arms literally ache.

please keep our girls in your prayers. as you know, i cannot publish details (wish i could). however, i covet your prayers during this time of uncertainty. we have no timeline. our God is able. we place our trust in Him.

p.s. no legos were harmed in the photo. the silly putty was cleaned off:)

captain squeaker sails

2011-02-21T12:39:00.000-08:00

we are very busy getting the house ready for our new family members. in fact, we have been taking a look at all our toys and organizing them. last night, in the bath, i had the revelation that we should probably get some "girl bath toys". now, admittedly, i don't really know the favorite bath toys of girls...but i am sure they are not the ones seen below.

the boys like to create the adventures of captain squeaker.

there are bad guys.

and more bad guys.

and the worst guy.
oh my. sure to frighten anyone.

oh. no.

uh. yeah. this is the part where the bad guys eat
the good guys. eeeek.

we need some girl bath toys. STAT.

thank you to my
sweet friend kayti
for making these dolls for the girls.
seriously. sugary.

do you see those eyelashes!
what a wonderful friend!
we love you kayti! xo

valentine's day: a debbie downer holiday

2011-02-14T06:44:00.001-08:00

oh valentine's day...you get me every year.

i have to admit...even though i have the most amazing valentine...i do not like valentine's day. i know...i know....i think it all started in 6th grade. i finally got up the confidence to buy the guy i had a crush on a valentine...and my bestie beth was willing to go with me to deliver the prize...a giant hershey kiss. now, i looked it up today and it is selling for almost $10 but i am sure i did not have that kind of cash. anyway, i gave it to him....only to be told that he did not like me and thought it was stupid. *insert knife in 6th back* thankfully, beth was there to help me mend my broken heart and share my chocolate at recess.

today, i woke up and gave the boys their valentines. trent was busy clearing the trash and getting the car ready for the trip to school. i am thankful he helps in the mornings. i go out to get in the car and fell...hard..on the ground. i felt 80 yrs old laying there...staring at the snow...husband quickly came over to help me up...get me some band-aids and check my sweats for holes. he is a true valentine.

so, if you are not a fan of the cupid's holiday like me..you can look forward to my next favorite holiday...mother's day. now mother's day is a holiday worth celebrating! :)

can you help a girl out?

2011-02-12T17:09:00.000-08:00

i need some help!

i am looking for little models of all ages....

babies...older kiddos...

i need profile pictures for my design that is

stuck in my head...however, i need your help!

so, go to my facebook page and leave a

comment telling me one MUST HAVE in a girls

room...i think you know why:)

i will draw TWO winners

to win a free pendant design!

winner will be drawn SUNDAY night.

new pendants!

2011-02-11T08:39:00.000-08:00

new pendants!

silhouette pendants are now being offered!

i have wanted to do these for a long time but just
figured out a process that would work with the
pendants. the space of january left me with some
time for creating new designs!

for the children's photos (the first 2) i just need a
name to personalize it. and, yes, you can have a
pendant with more than one child. i will send you
a proof before i make the pendant.

then, for the custom silhouettes, i need a side profile
picture sent to me via email (in jpeg format).
i cando the rest!

also, i will be offering a piece with several smaller faces on
flat glass that can be worn all together. the prototype for this
one is being made this weekend.

i am busy making custom orders and enjoying working
and being creative again. if you would like to place an order,
please email me!

custom silhouette pendants made from pictures
of your kiddos!!! (yes, i can do pets as well :)

*in adoption news: we had some important paperwork APPROVED
this week! so thankful for the massive step forward. now we
wait again for court and more paperwork. we are getting closer!*

The Martins

2011-01-29T11:52:00.000-08:00

in our adoption journey, we have been so blessed to meet
and be around the most amazing people.
when trent and i were first dating, we met some friends
in our Bible study group. we quickly became close
and have kept in contact over the years.

recently, through a series of events, we learned they were
adopting from the same location we were in africa!
wow.
it has been amazing walking through this journey
together. on february 8th, we are hosting a jewelry
party for their 2 boys from africa! i know-i am going to hold off
on the whole arranged marriage then right now. :)

here is a little bit of their story:

Over the last couple of years God has been exposing anything in our hearts where we are not fully surrendered to Him. He is taking us on an amazing adventure, as His desires become our desires. He has opened our eyes and our hearts to embrace our role to care for the oppressed, needy, the least of these – to care for orphans and widows in their distress. He has placed a love in us towards the orphans of the Africa and we are moving forward embracing His call.

i can't wait to see what God does next week!

for those of you visiting to support the martins,

if you visit my etsy shop, please put MARTIN ADOPTION

in the note to seller.

wheels are turning.....

2011-01-23T12:51:00.000-08:00

we are working hard over here....the preparation has ramped up.
honestly, we have no idea when the girls will be here.
however, we thought we need to get going on putting things together.

so, we are painting this week...my inspiration picture?
the new line from restoration hardware called
restoration kids. oh. my.
it is beautiful.
the walls in their room are now grey...waiting for
decorations and furniture!

a very special thank you to my dear stephanie.
thank you for helping me register!
i had SO much fun just being with you!
you are a gift.

a special thank you to my sister in law...
she conquered the messy playroom
with me last week and made it possible
for the room to even be painted!!!!
such bravery.
i am thankful for you!

in shop news...
my ETSY shop is up and running again!
one of a kind creations
shipped directly to you!

see more HERE!

it's true!!!!!

2011-01-16T14:08:00.000-08:00

yep!
your eyes are not deceiving you!
the paperwork we have been
waiting for arrived last week!
so so thankful!!!!

we sent it on and now we wait again.
we are hoping to hear more
news in the next few weeks.
again, your prayers are treasured.

some of you have asked how mr Z is
doing with his cast.
uh.
he's break dancing in the living room.

...and dancing to toby mac with mr L.
we love us some toby mac around here.

i have watched since the first season....
when we were in FL, we went to this event.
it was so much fun....
this week the new season starts.
with some new judges...
should be interesting!!!!

anyway, back to FL, when we
were there
this guy won it all...
AND...husband and i think that this guy
could win....i am going to be watching for
this guy out of orlando.
if he cuts his hair,
i am in trouble because i can't remember
his name:)

some new pendants coming into the shop
this week.....lots and lots of letters.

this aqua pattern is just one of my favs.

here's to a 4 day week for us!!!
xo

new thoughts: new collection

2011-01-07T17:20:00.000-08:00

i cannot believe it is 2011.

i know i am probably sounding
very old when i say such things.
maybe i look old...
i have been getting mailings
from the scooter store.
maybe someday i should do a post
on all the odd mail we receive...

anyway, back to 2011 and something i need to mention.
for the next 10 weeks....we will have a challenge.

we, in fact, spent Christmas night at the hospital.
trent and i went to a late late movie and the kiddos
stayed with my parents...where, mr Z promptly
slipped on the hardwood and caught himself on his
left arm. POOR SUGAR. my heart hurts for him.

2011 has brought yet another change.
for several reasons...trent and i prayed about schooling
for mr L this semester. after much prayer, we decided
to discontinue homeschooling and put him in a small
Christian school. he has, in fact, loved every day this week.
my guilt (not from God) for not homeschooling him has
diminished a little and i am enjoying hearing all of his stories.
i am VERY proud of him for his attitude and his
willingness to go with the flow.
he gets that from daddy:)

we celebrated week 1 of school this week
with a dinner out of his choice.
white castle. :D

in adoption news, the wait is feeling like forever.
i had a break down last week and cried every day.
every day.
we are still waiting for paperwork we thought would
be here. it is just the system and not one incident
that has caused the delay but it is very hard.
we are hoping to hear more soon. please keep
us in your prayers. we cherish your prayers.

***************************************

the new valentine collection is HERE!

these pieces are available in the ONLINE SHOP.

each piece is one of a kind.

visit the ONLINE SHOP
to purchase!
all pendants are shipped *free of charge*
to you!

It's READY!

2010-12-30T14:08:00.000-08:00

it is ready!

i have added the first few items to the online shop.
to view and purchase, look for the online shop button
to the right and click to view one of a kind pieces!

all pieces are one of a kind...made by me. :)
they cannot be customized but can be sized.
and...best of all...free shipping on all items!!

new items will be added.....there are some waiting right now!
this bracelet is in the new online shop waiting for a home:)

birth of a KING

2010-12-27T18:07:00.000-08:00

*happy birthday to JESUS*

happy birthday to our KING!

oh. the celebration.
how about jedi robes?
we take star wars seriously around here.

we went downtown to the yuletide celebration with
trent's family....i could not believe they had reindeer!
the kiddos were wide-eyed in disbelief when they saw the furry friends.
i was enjoying the moment.

look how nicely all those cousins clean up!
they are adorbs.

we also had lots of time with our other cousin.
look at how cute this fella is right now!
i would like to report that no babies fell as a
result of this picture. :)

now to play with all the presents.
i did do my usual trick after Christmas this year.
i put a few presents up for a later date.
so much fun to have them later!

*in other news*

thank you to my friend, gretchen, for letting me
put this picture on the blog.
she is wearing one of her custom pieces.
look at her sweet daughter! i really value my
friendships with other adoptive mamas.
gretchen has been such a blessing to me.

i have not given up on trying to do an online shop here
on the web site. in fact, i am working on it now.
i am taking the month of january off from custom orders.
however, you can still find a selection of my work at
gallery 116 in fishers.

*adoption update*
just wanted to ask for some prayers.
as many of you know, i cannot share openly about our
adoption or our process here.
however, there are some paperwork delays and
we would treasure your prayers.

thank you!

joy and pain

2010-12-19T19:24:00.000-08:00

there is lots going on at our house this week.

i am going to REALLY date myself. i was actually thinking of the

song "joy and pain" today to describe the mood over here.

my college girls and i used to crank it up.

oh oh...and let me tell you...you tube has it all.

**if you want to really hear the video...pause my music below first**

let's start with the pain.

we have something....somewhere in our house that is causing a stench.

it is making me MAD and ruining my Christmas spirit :(

on top of that...we have had no good news here. lots of delays.

the delays...more than anything..no matter how i distract myself....

are TOUGH. as i have stated before, my waiting skills are not good.

the Lord is teaching me...i know He is refining my faith.....

....and it is not pretty.

we also have to make some decisions before the new year.

to sum it up...we have a lot going through our minds.

THE JOY

there is some joy in pain and in trails...

i wish i could show you the whole picture of the updated girls...

some day you might be wishing we did not have a camera

when they get here...:)

however...i noticed something on the shelf in back of them that brought me

j.o.y

there is joy and peace in knowing that the Lord is with them

as He is also with us...as we wait.

there is joy in knowing and seeing how God has provided for us.

there is joy and peace in celebrating the miracle of Jesus.

Merry Aluminum Christmas

2010-12-18T12:24:00.001-08:00

thank you nana and grandad!
we had so much fun on our trip!

i found my little dream living room:)
retro style

how about this little number?

how about this little tv?

oh merry aluminum Christmas!
this tree is a dream.

orders are being finished in the next couple of days.
feel free to contact me if you have any questions
about your order!

if you missed the Christmas deadline, stay tuned
for a special giveaway.:)

2010-12-11T19:03:00.000-08:00

and.....

the winner of the joyful giveaway...

drawn by our resident elf mr. z....

Erin Hill!!!!!!!!

congratulations!

joyful giveaway

2010-12-06T10:45:00.000-08:00

ready to win?
leave on a comment on this post to win
a wonderful life DVD
stinky toes design bracelet:live, laugh, love

winner will be drawn
thursday night
(by one of our resident elves)

prize package will be mailed FRIDAY
enjoy!

we are still here!

2010-12-06T04:18:00.000-08:00

it is officially winter around here!
i love all the snow and warm clothes.
if you know me, you know i love winter.
kinda odd, i know, but i really enjoy it.

some other people really enjoy it as well...

things have been VERY busy around here.
i have been working very hard to get orders out
in time for Christmas!

one of my favorite pieces so far...

i love the vintage map pieces. they add such character to the piece.

we had the privilege of packing this box for our girls.
it was happy and sad all at one time....

if you live in in the indianapolis area, you must visit kit and
kaboodle in carmel. they have AMAZING dolls...like these two.
look at their gorgeous faces! i hope the girls enjoy them.

i am so thankful for these guys.
as we wait, we are praying together for all the pieces.
i am thankful for such an amazing little family.

gift certificates

2010-11-30T11:35:00.000-08:00

gift certificates available!

the perfect gift for someone
who would enjoy designing
a unique piece

email me at amymichellebell@yahoo.com for details!

never in a bazillion years

2010-11-28T19:44:00.001-08:00

wow.

in a million years, i could do fathom the way God has brought funds for our adoption.

what an amazing story for our girls.....

due to the number of special orders, i cannot accept any more orders needed in time

for Christmas. i want to make sure i can get all of the orders finished.

thank you so very much for your support.

i am beyond thankful.

UPDATE

2010-11-16T13:56:00.000-08:00

QUICK UPDATE: PLEASE READ

due to many orders received this week, the FINAL date for

CHRISTMAS ORDERS will be

DECEMBER 3.

i am sorry for the change, but want to make sure i have orders ready!

thank you!

ready

2010-11-16T07:16:00.000-08:00

many people have asked me lately if i am "ready" for the girls to
be a part of our family. the wait is always too long. the distance is
always too far. however, i don't know if i ever will be ready.

as a part of my research of adoption, one point stood out to me.
adoption is the result of heart ache and grief. children who are
adopted have experienced loss and grief in respect to their first
families. my girls will come with a few tangible bags but their will be
other bags that we may not see right away or for a long time. the grief
that the girls will bring with them and the reality of the change they will
experience will be a mountain for us all to climb.

i am taking the time before they come as a time to research and to pray.
i am beginning to talk to the boys about adoption. i am beginning to share
the joy of adoption. however, i am going to share the very real grief that comes
with adoption. as much as i love the girls, i must always remember that i was
not their first mother and with that comes a respect for their first mother.

as much excitement that we feel, we also feel a very strong sense of trials
that we may face as a family. as much as we are thrilled to have the girls here,
we also know that we are putting together a strong "after care" team to
meet their needs. as much as we cannot wait for the day they arrive, we are
currently affirming the place of each of our boys in our family.

adoption is a picture of what Christ has done for us. He adopted us into his family
with all our grief and through His love we experience His healing. it is our prayer
that through Christ's love our girls will someday experience healing. we know that
as much as we love them Christ loved them first.

i follow a blog by debra parker. she is an adoptive mom of 4 with a son (ronel) from haiti.
however, debra was adopted as a child. you can read her amazing post here.

2010-11-12T17:53:00.000-08:00

thinking about
ordering for CHRISTMAS?

email me!

custom orders
CLOSE

December 11th

i am not a good waiter.

2010-11-10T17:34:00.000-08:00

not a good waiter. yep. not a good one.

sure...i have lots i can talk about...but i am not sure how to write what is
really going on in my heart. for a long time, i have considered myself a patient
person. i considered myself someone who could not be conquered by unknowns.
however, in the last few weeks many things that i believed to be true have been
stripped away and revealed. i have to say...i have been insulted by my own self.
the things i am struggling with...fear...doubt...unknowns...the wait...all things
that God is using to refine me as a person and as a mom. i know the last statement
to be true. however, i don't feel very refined. i don't feel very willing to let God reveal
His plan for me.

i have worries. i am worried that the older the girls are...the tougher the attachment will be to us.
i worry that they won't know what to think of us....i am having crazy dreams (just like i had crazy pregnancy dreams). i am constantly handing my worries over to Jesus.

we are still waiting for paperwork. we may be waiting for a while. i don't have a time-line yet.
i don't have a line of anything but some assumptions. however, in the midst i am learning how to
pray for my girls. i am teaching our boys how to wait....how to pray.

we had the privilege of sending the girls a scrapbook full of pictures from us.
this was our second book. mr L had the idea to draw pictures of them.

the first picture above is his idea of having a tea party with them
(we sent a tea set to them).

the boys are worrying about the girls learning english...so they sent
a really good alphabet. mr Z sang and mr L was the writer. :)

what? you don't know what this one could be?
oh...in typical brother style..this is the "don't touch my science
project kit when you get here" picture....the fountain on the top
is the volcano project....i laughed so hard at this one.

..and this one melted my heart. me too, guys...me, too.

our book should have reached them sometime this week.

i am busy making jewelry with the Christmas season upon us.
in an effort to help those who would want to shop with us, i am going
to make a shop by the end of the weekend. you will click on this shop and
then be able to purchase unique handmade pendants online. i hope to have
a pretty big selection. i am soldering a lot this week to try and have some great
choices for you all. anyway...be looking for it!

good news!

2010-11-01T12:43:00.000-07:00

hi there! we have news!

(jango fett and boba fett....halloween 2010)

after 4 weeks...
we have MET our matching grant amount!
our check is being sent to the agency tomorrow!!!

i am so overwhelmed and thankful for the funds that God provided for
our girls. i am in awe of His timing....we received the 2nd bill from our agency
just last week....and this week...the check is sent.

i am working hard to finish all orders from the trunk shows in the last 2 weeks. i have 6 other trunk shows coming before Christmas! the money from these shows will still be sent to Lifesong for Orphans. Also, all donations made to our account are still sent to us (as well as being tax-deductible). we are in the process right now of gathering funds for plane tickets, fees etc. that need to be purchased as a part of our 3rd payment.

many have asked "so, where are you in the process?"
unfortunately, i cannot share details.
however, i can share that we are waiting on some paperwork to be sent
to the US. once this paperwork is sent, we can file the next leg of paperwork.
we do not have an exact time frame right now until the next leg of paperwork is finished.

please pray for the needed paperwork to be sent to the US soon.
please pray for the girls as they wait for a family.
please pray for us as we get our home ready for more children and continue raising funds for the adoption. i am AMAZED at the faithfulness of our God.

so many parts of the adoption process remind me of how much God loves us.
an adoptive mom shared that when she went to visit her child she was holding a tattered book. in the tattered book were pictures of her family. pictures that she had been looking through over and over again while she waiting for her family. the story meant so much since we had sent a book for our girls a few weeks ago.

i thought of the way that God wants us, His children, to love his Word.
He wants our books to be tattered from reading and waiting.
it has been such a reminder to me today to seek God daily.
in my frustrations...in my waiting....
to seek Him

thank you so much for praying for us.

a fun visit.

2010-10-23T08:30:00.000-07:00

we had the best visit the other day.

when trent and i were dating, we were a part of a small group
in our church. we met some amazing friends through the group.
a few months ago, i received an email from one of the girls about
selling some land for their adoption. at that time, we had decided
to adopt from africa and were pursuing it. i wrote my friend back
to find that we were adopting from the same country! i could not
believe it...we are also with the same agency. it was the most
wonderful news because it will be amazing to have friends in the
similar circumstances.

the kiddos had a blast together. i think that the boys were pretty smitten
by my friend's charming girls. in fact, the following things were overheard:

"do you think i am cute? uh-huh. 'cause all the girls who visit think i am cute"
---mr Z

"goodbye, sweetheart (insert cheek kiss here)"
---mr L

seriously, these 2 boys are in desperate need of their sisters to get here
and help them with their lines. they have a lot of work to do to get
their brothers in shape and presentable to the ladies. i have a feeling
that we will have some very funny conversations over the years. i
am so thankful that the helpful hints will not be all up to me!

*update: we are waiting on the girls' paperwork from africa. we also are
waiting on a form here. would you pray that the forms will make
it here soon? on a happy note...we were able to send our care
package this week!*

we conquered pizza

2010-10-13T16:57:00.000-07:00

we conquered pizza.
if you know anything about our boys, you know that one of them
has some food "unlikes". i know. i read all the "how-tos", trips to the
doctor, etc. however, this kiddo had to be ready. he was eating healthy
things...just a very limited selection.

in the past few weeks he has been asking to try lots of things.
colby jack cheese
swiss cheese
pizza
green beans
apple pie

i think his taste buds are dying for flavor.
on this night, we allowed him to be the chef.
he was a clean-handed kitchen helper with a hungry tummy.
as it turned out, he ate a plate of pizza. a plate.
for this mama...it is an answered prayer.

my husband is a rock star. he is our family rock star.
the boys enjoyed a few songs before bed the other night.
the songs were good for me to hear because i just need some
encouragement. we both are working long hours to raise funds
for the girls to come home. it is hard. i do not write this for sympathy.
i knew what i signed up for right now. however, it is hard to describe
some things until you are in the moment.
this moment feels like the forever check out line with the lady who
has a credit card that is not working. it feels like the wait of all waits.

i am, by nature, an information gatherer. i gatherer the information (good or bad)
and i tuck it away. there is nothing to gather. the true answer is wait.

God has been amazing to us. my faith has grown in ways i thought were not
possible. i cry almost every day. mysterious credits. amazingly generous checks.
lots of orders. i prayed the other day about the girls. i am worried that the girls will
want to know more about their family. we don't know much and probably will not know much
about their first family. i was worried about giving them a heritage.

i was reminded of all the people that are praying, encouraging, giving, etc. for these
little ones to come home. this is their heritage. their story is being written as we speak.
i can't wait one day to share with them the heritage the Lord is giving them right now.
until then...we wait and conquer pizza.

fall a la indiana

2010-10-06T17:58:00.000-07:00

oh the apple tours.
this mama has been to the orchards...twice.
one with the little mr Z in his last preschool orchard trip.
it was a special trip for me this year.

bee learning. is there anything better?
mr Z is up in the front row....listening intently.
he loves to talk about bees right now.

God has blessed us with an amazing preschool teacher.
she is a personal hero of mine....i love her with
all my heart...and she loves my Z.

on to the second trip....
this one was for mr L.
we had a chance to pick the apples on this trip.
i loved it.

mr Z was so quick and good....i was so proud...then, i looked down
before the last station. the little stinker had eaten ALL 5 apples in his bag.
he had been tossing them in trash cans all along. for some reason, when i saw
him with an apple the whole time, i assumed he was working on the one.
uh-uh.
the whole bag.
somebody will be very regular this week. :)

learning how to plant pumpkins...
this guy had his stuff down.
the boys were very excited to eat the pumpkin seeds.

when most people think of indiana, this is what they picture.
rows and rows of corn.
to be honest, this is what i do enjoy about my state.
i know...no beach or water...but corn? we have it.

we took our annual trip to see farmer andy.
he is so kind to take the boys on the corn picker
every year. this year they had an extra long ride.
they loved every minute.

a boys dream come true

i had to pry them away. literally.
this is the one thing they talk about all year long.
i have to admit...it is really fun.

who said we don't have fun here?:)

i look forward to the day when i can post pictures of the girls.
a quick update...
we are waiting from some papers out of africa for them.
would you please pray that these papers come quickly.
also, please pray for quick clearance for our papers here.

i know... i have to be vague. but, God knows...and He knows
what we are praying for....my comfort is in knowing that He is with them.

"getting it"

2010-09-30T19:59:00.000-07:00

since many people know that we are adopting, we have received lots of questions. however, the most popular one is "we don't feel called to adopt. how does that work with what you believe?". this is such a good question. here are my thoughts......

first, i do believe we have been called to adopt. we believe that God placed this on our hearts many years ago. i would follow up that statement with the fact that not all are called to adopt. i believe that in no way helping orphans would be a lesser calling than actually adopting. i don't think that because we are adopting we "get it". we won't "get it" until we get to heaven. for now....we just try to walk in faith. as Christians, we are all part of one body. as a body, we have different (and important) functions. the Bible is clear about how God feels about orphans and widows. He wants us to care for them.
there are many, many ways we can care for orphans and widows.

one of my closest friends made the decision a few years back to only have one child. i support her fully and believe she made the right decision. i also believe that adoption is not for everyone. it is not the right decision for every family. it is really important for both parents to be on the same page. if one parent wants to wait or is not ready, wait. we have found that even though we are on the same page we have felt the stress of the journey. in fact, right now we are planning how we are going to make time for each other with 4 kiddos. :)

i remember the point i felt in my heart that i "knew too much". i knew that i could not go on with the rest of my life and not take action to help the orphan crisis. i wanted so much to hear from God. I wanted so much to just say yes to what He wanted for us. however, it took time for Him to reveal what He had for us. it took time for us to work through-together-how God wanted us to respond to the orphan crisis....how He wanted us to obey Him. i have to be honest and say that i never thought that things would work out this way. our social worker could attest to this fact. :) however, i am so happy that God knew what was best. as we prepare our hearts and our home for the girls.....the peace is incredible. we are praying for their safety and for the process to go quickly in the next few months. i wake up every morning and pray for them and for their caretakers. i am so excited for the day we will meet!

i did begin making room in the girls room today! the room right now is a toy room for the boys. we made some progress tonight and we made a little lego office in the boys' room. we now need to inventory the toys left and see what storage we need. and then...
i get to pick out pink paint! i am think i need to post a before and after. :)
i can't believe we will have pink in the house!

late night ramblings of a happy mama

2010-09-29T20:58:00.000-07:00

oh...he had a party.
a really awesome party.

with cool things like pretend roller coasters...look at mr Z's face.
he is serious!

and dancing...lots of dancing.
did you know the kids can turn the camera around anywhere?
then, the camera puts that person on the big screen?
i had to laugh when one of them said..."hey look! we have your rear on the
screen!"...oh yeah. only boys. i have a hunch that the girls won't do those
type of jokes....:)

i did have the talk with mr L about dancing. you know...as his mother...i just had to talk to him about the cardinal rule of guys dancing...LESS IS MORE. really. no flailing. eeek.
i do have more sermons in this series to share with him.
(remember the movie hitch? all true)

such fun presents....we have been playing with them
ever since...if you are going to do a party at the chuck e cheese...
i have a few pieces of advice:
1. monday night...it was great. all to ourselves...
2. coupons.com...great deals.
3. don't book the party...it costs a lot more and you can get
the same thing by just making a reservation.

we had the BEST time!

i heart this picture.
i was thinking that this would be the last birthday he would
celebrate without his sisters!

i received this special order for a mama with 2 sons in the military.
it was fun to do because it was whimsical and meaningful.
i mailed out the pendant today.

many of you have asked how to help with the girls....
if you can host a trunk show....it would be wonderful.
if you would like to give...you can click the button on the right called lifesong for orphans.
but most of all...please, please pray. please pray for our process.

we are waiting on some important papers to be sent back to us.
it could take a while....and i am praying that they will expedite them.
we are in a series of paperwork right now that consists of an intense game
of hurry up and wait. hurry up and wait is the best way for me to describe our life
in "not so vague" terms.
for the above reasons...i cannot watch the amazing race right now.
we are living it.

i am off to bed....maybe i will dream of creative storage solutions for all the kids? :)
does anyone have any sites that they would recommend
for small homes, storage or little girl rooms?

awesome news.

2010-09-27T10:58:00.000-07:00

want to hear some awesome news this monday morning?

first, someone had a birthday!!!

mr L loved every single minute of it and the party is not over yet.

one more party tonight!

last week...we received a phone call and we were given a wonderful matching grant for the girls!!! can you believe God brought that to us? i am in shock...and we cried. both of us. :)

God is working over here....He is showing us his picture for our family, His purpose and His love for us in the details. He has it covered. my heart is full.

i am working so hard to schedule trunk shows. the funds will go toward the matching grant and the general fund to bring the girls home.

what is the bag in the picture?

i am busy putting a care package together for the girls...which includes a scrapbook of their mommy, daddy, brothers, family, house and backyard swing (the boys say this is a must).

we aren't excited or anything. :)

update & deal

2010-09-22T14:24:00.001-07:00

update in the shop today!
lots and lots of pendants READY for you!
don't see an initial you like?
email me!

Keep Calm Carry On....deal

if you go here...i have them for $8.00!

the catch: i only have size medium.

enjoy.

these boots were made for sellin'

2010-09-21T07:07:00.000-07:00

there has been lots going on since last week!
we have completed as much paperwork as we
can and now we have to have file some
international paperwork. due to restrictions,
i do have to be vague...

in short, this week we are hoping to be able to
raise about $650 this week for the paperwork.

in our efforts to do this...we are selling some things
on ebay...such as the above boots (BCBG). i actually found
them recently and they were a bargain...however, they are
worth much more to me when i am not wearing them. :)
*i should add...i never did wear them! :) *
if you know me in real life...you know i love me some cowboy
winter boots.

look at the back...really? they are gorgeous.
do you want them?
visit here to bid on them!!!

much sweeter than apple pie

2010-09-17T05:37:00.001-07:00

today i was going to share about apple pie. the picture above is a pie i made this week.

we have an apple tree in our backyard and we were excited to have pie. i took all the pictures and things ready to share about 3 days ago....

but something much sweeter happened than apple pie at our house....we received a referral this week! we were shocked and very surprised to receive our referral at this time. we thought we had a lot of time to wait...and pray.

just last week i began praying for our referral. i prayed that the Lord would surround our children and that they would feel His presence. after we received the referral, we began to pray. we began to ask the Lord what He wanted for our family. He gave both of us peace. As we prayed, our shocked began to leave and it was replaced with a steady peace.

in just a few short months, we will be adding 2 girls to our family! *my sister brought me these flowers after we told her the news*

one little girl is 18 months and one little one just turned 3 years old.

the best thing? they are sisters! we are so very blown away by the fact that they are siblings. I would love to be able to show a picture because, believe me, they are beautiful. however, we are not able until they are home. i cannot believe that we are going to have girls. it is honestly something i have not imagined before now. i think because we have boys i thought we would have more boys. :)

please be praying for all the details. i spent the entire day yesterday driving (and getting lost) around downtown to pick up documents. today i am going to our agency to submit lots of paperwork.

please be praying for the girls. please pray that God watches over them and protects them as they wait. please pray for them not to be fearful or unsure but that the Lord would hold their hearts until we can hold their hands.

some have asked: what can i do? pray. and, if you feel led, please host a trunk show. we are in need of funds (quicker than we ever thought) to bring them home. we are also sending out a grant/loan app today and hope to hear back on that soon. you can email me amymichellebell@yahoo.com and learn more information about trunk shows.

my heart is full.

my head is full of shabby chic decorating ideas.

my arms waiting.

one solution

2010-09-12T19:38:00.000-07:00

let's talk about laundry...with boys.
i have 2 little boys...but i also have 1 other boy in the house. :)
in the dryer...i heard a strange noise.
rock against steel. eeek..
not sure who the culprit could be.....but damage avoided.

this is an un-edited picture of the laundry room.
meaning...i did not clean it up before i took this....
it is messy and well....small.
i spend lots of time in this little room. really.
i spend lots of money to spend time in this little space.
*i think i should edit here and not call it a room* :)

moving on....space small...big money.

homemade laundry detergent.
my MIL had been wanting to try it and so we did.
it is EASY and smells so fresh.
all the loads i have done so far have been just as clean
as when i was buying the $20.oo five ounce bottle of HE detergent.
*a slight exaggeration on the size. does it count that it did not
last very long?*

here is the recipe for the soap i made.
the recipe states that one can add essential oils in the soap.
oh..i think i need to add my citrus scent to my next batch.

so, now i have a solution to the expense.
however, still no solution to
hidden contraband in the wash.

just catchin up....

2010-09-10T05:13:00.000-07:00

first day of school....mr L goes to a Christian school
twice a week. it is wonderful because he loves his teacher and
is making lots of new friends....
that plaid shirt...mama's fav right now.

somebody else had his first day of school...
pre k....i cannot believe he is so big.
the camo shirt was a request. you might notice
the band-aids on his legs...poor buddy had
a bike accident the day before. he was SO excited to get to school.

we have been blessed with lots of work lately!
many of these pieces are special orders...we are so thankful.
if you have been wanting to do a trunk show, now is a great
time to schedule before Christmas.

lots of things like this lately....paperwork. i would compare it to
the youth group game where you go around and have different
things on a list so that you can win. yep. just like that.
many steps are required to adopt. many. for instance, today we
are going to get chest x-rays. for no reason....just to have them.
i think mr L will enjoy seeing the x-rays. :)

one of my favorite pieces to date. this piece was
for a friend in our Bible study group. the big C represents
Christ and the little c is in the initial of my friend. i
thought it was such a meaningful concept.

the back of this one is elegant. i can't wait
to see what it looks like on her next week.

one of the habits we are trying to cut down on right now is
eating out. it is expensive and we need to save money for the adoption.
while the occasional mccallisters is ok, we don't want to eat out much.
so, in order to find a chinese food fix, this recipe did the trick.

*some of the ingredients are more costly. however, you use very little of them and
i have used them again. it is cost effective when you make the investment. check the asian food aisle for the harder to find ingredients.*

cashew chicken
4 boneless skinless chicken breasts
3 tbsp sherry (i was carded for buying this. lol)
2 tsp grated fresh ginger (i use the tube kind from the grocery)
2 cloves garlic (again, i use the tube kind)
4 1/2 tsp cornstarch
3/4 cp low sodium chicken broth
2 tbsp low sodium soy sauce
3 tbsp hoisin sauce
1 tbsp rice vinegar
2 tsp light brown sugar
2 tsp canola oil
1/2 cp unsalted cashew halfs
(you can scallions or red pepper flakes for flavor as well)

1. in a bowl, combine chicken, sherry, ginger and garlic and 2 tsp cornstarch.
chill 30 min. in another bowl combine broth, soy, hoisin, vinegar, sugar and 2 1/2 tsp cornstarch. set aside.

2. saute 1 tsp oil and half the chicken in a large skillet for 5 minutes on medium heat until cooked thoroughly. set aside and cook the other half of the chicken.

3. return chicken to skillet and add sauce. let cook until it thickens (about 1 minute). add
cashews and stir until thick.

we serve our chicken over whole wheat cous cous. it is wonderful
and more healthy than white rice.

stay tuned for another money saving tip i am trying.
we are determined to save! :)

it's finished!

2010-08-14T17:05:00.000-07:00

a work in progress.

after a couple months of planning, we were able to put together
our home school area. after months of praying, we decided to
put mr L into a local co op and 2 days a week and the home school
the other 3 days a week. i am both excited and nervous.
i have a teaching degree...i taught jr. high in my previous life. however,
i think that home school is a different deal. i wonder how i will do
teaching my own kiddos. *a big thank you to mr Z...he punched out all the fish
by himself...he was PROUD of that fact.*

mr L was so excited to put together his desk...a good find from ikea.
i love how the area turned out.

we don't start school until next week but he has been
sitting at his desk working on little projects in the morning.
the over the chair cover was a real find at the "teacher store".
we also picked out the theme: fish.

up above...our map of africa and our magnetic board ready
for the week's assignments.

we have prayed about our decision to home school. we have talked to
many people in all different arenas. we felt it fit our family this year.
i get lots of questions these days. people want to know why and if we
thought public schools were bad. uh no. i believe in public school. i
taught in public school. i believe in Christian school. i am a product of
Christian schools. we chose this option because we felt it was best for
our child. most people ask how long we will home school. i always say that
i have a one year commitment. yep. i prayed and felt that Lord pressing this
on our hearts this year. each year brings a different prayer. with that said,
we could use some prayer next week! :)

i have to update on our adoption. we are through the home study and should
receive a copy next week! this means we can apply for grants, loans, etc. for our
adoption. by God's grace and provision, we are raising our funds! we have been working
hard to fill the savings account. the pendants have been selling and we are sooo
thankful for the provision. i can't believe we are one step closer to getting them home.

the happenings

2010-08-03T18:33:00.000-07:00

tonight...nana and grandad have the boys...
mama is playing catch up. we are filling out
some paperwork for the adoption and i
am also catching up on my pendant making...
oh! and catching up on shark week.

we...at our house...are big shark week fans.
even the mama.
mr Z is a big fan. he watches intently and asks
questions like "mom, would it be awful if a shark
thought you were bait?" eek.

this one loves fish..fishing.
and this was his FIRST fish that he caught.
a bass...seriously! look at him hold that thing.
a proud fisherman with his first fish story.

..and a 1st grader!
we begin homeschooling in about 2 weeks.
i am excited and super nervous.
in my prior life, i was junior high teacher.
i was never nervous walking into a room of
junior highers...however, this home school thing
has me nervous. i am thankful for a strong co op! :)

oh..had to share this picture.
asleep. in the boat. after a night of fishing.
my babies are getting so big.
*sigh*

phew....we are recovering!

2010-07-27T07:41:00.000-07:00

wow...we are in recovery after our long trip!
the boys and i went up to Bible camp.
mr L was so excited to be a first time day camper.

as we arrived (with our friends, the caulks)...things were not
what we had been told. it was truly awful. awful.
toilet did not work...only cold water...the smallest mini fridge in the world...
so hot....very dirty..and NO lock on the any of the doors. you could not lock them.
if you we camping, you might have been prepared, but
we were not set up with 3 kids to camp.
we somehow managed to stay there one night. (ick)
the next day mr L went to his first day of camp and we
went on a mission to find a new place to stay.

and we did....thank you Lord.

the first picture is a view from the deck of the house
we were able to stay in for the rest of the week.

lots of days spent at camp on the beach....

so thankful for time visiting with great friends.
one of my best girls from college adopted a little boy...
he is sugar...once mr Z accepted the fact that he was a baby,
he decided to play. (he does not like babies right now)

the camp had a bmx bike trail for the campers.
oh my.
you should have seen mr L's face when he got off of
the track. i think he found a new hobby.

this was mr L's counselor (mr jett)....oh my...he was popular
this week. rumor has it the boys tried to wrestle him in the
pool....the girls were in the shallow end and the boys are
wrestling on the other side..totally forgot was swimming
was like at camp. :)

oh the fun we had....these are my friend jessie's kiddos
and they are great kids. we spent 3 days with them and
had the best time.

a huge thank you to my friend DANA for being
such a wonderful host...

she hosted the first adoption trunk show!
i am beyond thankful for her heart and i was blown
away by the whole night....

THANK YOU.

seriously? look at the cupcakes she made...
so fabulous.

when we were driving, i took this picture.
it is simple, but it is a reminder of our life right now.
a journey.

where's she been????

2010-07-24T13:47:00.000-07:00

oh everywhere. really.

mr L went to camp last week. his first time.

so, mr Z and i went in tow....to visit some friends of old.

*notice i did not say old friends....i am becoming sensitive about that :) *

this past week, we were in the UP of michigan....my husband's parents take all of us

on a fishing trip every few years and this was the year....

oh, the boys. they had the time of their little lives.

it was such a welcome break for us.

the day before we left we finished our home study!

now....we wait...on the final paperwork. we have already applied to our agency.

now, we begin the international paperwork stage.

i have lots and lots to share.....can't wait to load the pictures.

*more later*

2010-07-03T09:00:00.001-07:00

**i can also make a special order for you. click HERE to see a gallery of possible ideas**
*also, visit my etsy store as well for more choices!*

These pendants are designed to raise funds for our upcoming adoption.
To purchase them, please click on button below them and
you can make the payment via paypal.
The pieces will be mailed to you.
If you would like to purchase them another way,
please contact me at amymichellebell@yahoo.com.

We all can make a difference....one life at a time.

(side one)

(side two)

The next pendant has a vintage map piece of Africa on one side.
Did you know most children do not live until their 5th birthday?
We all can make a difference in giving and caring for them.

The other side of this piece has a vintage dictionary page..
featuring the word hope.

(side one)

(side two)

Did you know...worldwide...there are 147 million orphans?
an unbelievable number.
This piece has 147 million...a reminder to pray and help...
the other side is a patterned paper.

All proceeds from the sale of this piece goes toward our adoption.
We hope to bring a home to 2 orphans from Africa.

(side one)

(side two)

the story

2010-06-30T06:44:00.001-07:00

**update**
we have a referral! 2 little girls!
they are sisters!
keep us in your prayers as we work out the details!

in my last post i mentioned an announcement. i thought that i needed to share soon. :)

trent and i began dating in 2000. we both knew when we were dating that we were someday going to marry. after 11 months, we were engaged. during our engagement, we talked a lot about our future and what we hoped it would look like for us. as a couple, one of dreams was to adopt.

in our first year of marriage, we got pregnant. it was a great surprise...and the timing was funny and perfect at the same time. mr L was born.....2 years later we had another surprise and our incredibly funny mr Z was born.

we never felt our family was complete. however, medically we were not able to have any more kiddos. we began to talk more and more about adoption. after the earthquake in haiti, we knew that the time had come. if there was one thing we took away, it was our call to adopt.

at first, we thought our call was to adopt from haiti. we chose an agency with orphanages in haiti. however, time revealed that adopting from haiti would take years and would be hard for us with biological children. we began to pray about giving waiting children a home soon. our criteria for a country had always been need. i know...need. need is present in every country.

however, through a series of events, we have chosen to adopt from an african nation! we have almost finished our home study and sent in our initial contract with our agency. our heart's desire is to adopt 2 children that are either siblings or from the same area. as a part of this exciting news, i am launching a new line of jewelry this week in honor of and to help fund the adoption process. also, i will be available to do trunk shows in homes for the first time. if you would like to support our adoption, would you consider hosting a trunk show for your friends and family?

we are also excited about an upcoming auction on my blog. all the proceeds go to the adoption fees. i can't wait for you to see some of the things we will feature!

thank you for being a part of our journey. thank you for being a part of my neighborhood as crystal from little bit funky said last week (if you have not read her series on "why blog", it is a must) we look forward to sharing this scary and exciting adventure.

last week i read a post about a family who was going to adopt from africa. they had not yet told the child (5 yrs old) they were adopting. in their last visit, the mother was skyping with the father so he could visit with the child. the parents had been working so hard to adopt him and still not told him. the child said "now you will come to fetch me". tears came to my eyes. my thoughts exactly.

....now we will go to fetch you.......

here we are!

2010-06-28T20:28:00.000-07:00

*celebrate*

oh....the fishers freedom festival.
we look forward to it every year.

really?
what is a parade in indiana without a race car?
it is not one...i tell you.

this boy hunted and hunted for his hat.
"mom, i have to wear my john deere hat....for the combines!"
the hat was found. the combines were seen. one happy boy.
really? i just want to bottle up these moments. they are precious to me.

one more picture for good measure....do you see the steam coming
up from the pavement? yep. it was hot....

we went into the tents for some family fun.
not sure how much you can see...but this was
actually a "dunk the cop" activity.
oh dear. hope he doesn't remember us.

this man "dennis" is a genius. really.
boys were flocking to the tent to buy marshmallow guns and
rubber band guns. we came home with 2 rubber band guns.
i am not sure who is happier...dad or the kiddos. :)

seriously. rubber band guns are a serious business.

guess who is riding his bike all around?
oh, he is proud. look at that smile!
this was the last picture we took before we told him he had to
put the helmet on his head. i think the coolness factor went down...
but, you know....safety first. *i might add here that i am so glad i did not
wear a helmet as a kid* phew. got that out....

8 years...i cannot believe it has been 8 years.
this week i have a special announcement.
stay tuned.

the goings on....

2010-06-17T06:46:00.000-07:00

we have been working away at our swimming lessons.
mr L is sometimes a fan.
yesterday, at breakfast, he told me that he might throw up
and needed for me to cancel the lesson because he is sick.
when we got to swimming he was healed. he swam like a fish
and even did his dives.

this little cutie loved his lessons and is swimming by himself.
he had a rough first day, but he is learning fast.
maybe he will end up in the big pool?
i had to take this picture...i think he looks like a real live
bobble head.

i had some errands to run yesterday and came across an auction.
the auction is actually on the 26th, but you may remember who it is even
if you are not from indiana. remember marcus schrenker? the guy
who swindled millions from people? 20/20 did an investigation
called "flying high at cocktail cove"....all of his earthly belongings
are being auctioned off next week. i did take a peak inside.....phew.
lots and lots of stuff....(the auction is by the best buy in castleton if you would
like to attend)

and lastly...saw this book at goodwill.
just look at the cover.
i have to admit....i only felt that way a couple of
days so far.....but wonder if it has any helpful hints? :)

off to swim....and tomorrow....
TOY STORY 3!!!
(a BIG event in our house!)

Stinky Toes Design

Friday Funny

Seven: Jen Hatmaker

happy day buddy

Adoption Journey

Adoption Agencies

That Mom.....

SOLE HOPE

Funny of the Week

I was wrong.

Adoption Wishes

Encouragement in the Wait

picture of the week

Adoption: No Easy Answers (Part 2)

Adoption: No Easy Answers (Part 1)

older child adjustment

hello there 2012.

The Christmas Rescuer

When is a good time?

Magical Christmas

love, the whitest white girl

Choosing an Agency

hey, want to shop for Christmas?

thankful

Psalm 16:7-11

Hospital Moments For Adoptive Parents

all in: redemptive adoption

i do get it, penn state. really.

watcha doing?

yes, it exists. *a giveaway*

random IPHONE moments

Look Around

mom guilt

Isaiah 55:8-9 (NIV)

my molestake

alvin intervention

questions

so cute, mama

no. i can't.

we all see color.

for the really real

birth mamas

becoming a SIX

the summer that went.....

well, hello.

well, hello there.

HOME

business announcement!!!!

hello all: still here

still going...

rest.

this just ain't pretty, friends

captain squeaker sails

valentine's day: a debbie downer holiday

can you help a girl out?

new pendants!

The Martins

wheels are turning.....

it's true!!!!!

new thoughts: new collection

It's READY!

birth of a KING

joy and pain

Merry Aluminum Christmas

joyful giveaway

we are still here!

gift certificates

never in a bazillion years

UPDATE

ready

i am not a good waiter.

good news!

a fun visit.

we conquered pizza

fall a la indiana

"getting it"

late night ramblings of a happy mama

awesome news.

update & deal

these boots were made for sellin'

yes, it exists. a giveaway