Truth

In a few short weeks, the girls will have been home 10 months. Oh my word. I can hardly believe that is has been 10 months. In some ways it seems as though it has been years and some days it seems as though it was yesterday. In the girls room, I have pictures of their "gotcha day". They enjoy looking at them and they want to hear the story of when they were welcomed in our family.

I look over these last few months and I see a theme. The theme is a literal attack on our girls. I bet you did not expect that sentence? Yes. It has been, at times, a war for their healing. As surprising as that may sound, it is our experience. In the past, they have come to believe they are unloved, unwanted and alone.

Our girls have felt homesick for Africa many times. Contrary to some popular belief, adopted children miss the familiar. They miss their caregivers and their routine. They miss the sights, smells and sounds that may have surrounded them. When our girls arrived, they knew some Shakira songs. They found comfort is listening to some of her music on days when they felt sad. Even thought miss little M is not quite 3, she still felt some of the real feelings that her sister expresses (ed). At times, the sight of adults with their same skin tone has caused anxiety. Many times talk of Congo and Africa can cause a deep stare in our oldest daughter. Although she has expressed few memories, I know she feels every one in her heart.

The truth is she may always feel a sting in her heart for Africa. I have found my role is to acknowledge her pain. I may not know the exact cause of her tears but I can acknowledge them and cry with her. I can hold her and remind her of the truth of who she is and who she was created to be. This part takes time. As we structure our day, it might take 30 minutes of holding or "truth telling". I have seen many times that they cry or are angry because they feel unwanted. Although this could not be further from the truth now, in the past, they have known the real pain of being neglected, unwanted and ignored. I grieve this for my girls. And yet, I know the only hope of healing is through Christ. For our girls to find their identity in Him and to know Him.

Due to the broken world we live in, my girls have had to experience horrid pain. I cannot tell you in words how the real truth of the last sentence effects a mother. To know that my daughter was in pain and I could not be there to rescue or the comfort her is an empty feeling at best. But as her mother, I cannot live in the past. I cannot allow the guilt that may come from not being able to rescue her prevent me from being a comfort now. As we fight for the girls to hear and know truth, we know we are battling all the has been said and done before.

Here are some ways in which we have battled with our daughters:

1. I am afraid you will leave forever.

You, precious girl, were wanted by us. You were loved before we even met. We will never leave you. You are a precious, wanted child of God.

2. I am scared someone might hurt me.

You are safe here. We have a safe home. We love you and no one can come in and get you.

3. I don't love you and you don't love me.

I love you. You are precious to us. We are thankful the Lord allowed you to be in our family. We love you with our whole hearts.

4. I am scared.

We are right here. We will not leave you.

One of the best things about the last few months are our memories. We have built memories together as a family. The girls love to talk about the "first this" or the "first that". They enjoy hearing about the memories we have built together. When I am holding them, I can now say, "Remember when you were so afraid last week? You did feel better and I know you will feel better today". I can draw on memories and conversations we have had to remind them of what has happened and who they are in our family. If they make a wrong decision and need correcting, I say things like "This is the rule for all kids in the family. We cannot rub food on the carpet. All of us obey that rule so the house stays clean." And yes, this was a real conversation I have had with all 4 children! :) I want to remind them that they are a part of something and they are a valuable contributor the "the team".

Hope is a pretty catchy. As we work with our girls and give them hope that they will be who God created them to be, I have found it to be an amazing reminder of the hope we have in Christ. While we were still sinners, Christ died for us. During this journey I have felt discouraged and I have struggled with the words to express to our grieving daughters. And yet, it has been through Christ that I have been reminded that Hope does not disappoint. As we have felt the very real spiritual battle in the hearts of our girls, we stand confident knowing that the Lord is the source of our strength.

In 2 Thessalonians, the writer is encouraging the church that the Lord will be faithful and He will strengthen them. Verse 5 stood out to me during this time:

2 Thessalonians 3:5

May the Lord direct your hearts

into God's love and Christ's perseverance.

The words love and perseverance in the same sentence.

Yep.

This small verse represents our journey right now. Love and perseverance.