Adoption: No Easy Answers (Part 2)

Recently, I re-connected with one of my friends from college days. She and her husband serve in Guatemala helping at risk children connect with people to help them heal. They also are involved in a program to help children that are in need of families. She posted a comment on the blog about the perspective of a waiting child. As I only have the perspective of a waiting parent, I asked her to please share with me what she has learned.
Marlana sent the letter below (published with permission).

So, I was thinking it might be helpful to share our personal story in answer to your question about adoption and about what it is like from the waiting child’s perspective vs. the waiting parent’s perspective (someday we hope to have this special experience as well.

Chad’s 15-year-old brother was adopted 5 years ago from Mexico. It’s a neat story as the orphanage was the one Chad visited on a trip through Cornerstone our junior year. We have kept in contact with the directors ever since and they actually pursued us about adopting Andres the week our first child was born. We’ve always felt that God would have us adopt someday, just not sure when, but at this point, neither one of us had peace about it. We told friends and family and about 3 months later, Chad’s parents told us they felt God was telling them to purse adopting Andres (who was then 7). We were amazed as his parents were 50 and their youngest of 5 was 22 already, plus they have always been in full-time ministry..truly only “of God.” Andres was in the orphanage since he was about 4 because he experienced many things that a child at that age should never experience. We had fallen in love with him and had a special connection with him when we visited, so finding out he would be our brother was such special news!

Fast forward 8 years later…he is a freshman in high school now in Muskegon, MI and loves soccer, music and hardly remembers his Spanish (Chad and I are working on that one!:) He is asking the tough questions now and really desires to visit the orphanage soon and know more about his birth mother. We are praying for Chad’s parents as they continue to guide him and process how God can use all of our stories to bring about healing and redemption through His love. Chad’s Dad is a counselor, so we are thankful that he is in a loving environment to help process his childhood.

He recently wrote a paper for school after watching a documentary about a boy who was adopted from Russia. He shares his heart in such a beautiful way, so I asked his permission to share with others from his perspective now that he is old enough to verbalize it.

“I felt sad and happy for Vanya. I can relate to what he has been through like waiting two years to be adopted or being moved from orphanage to orphanage or institution whatever you want to call it. I know what it is like to want a family, to be loved or be wanted by people.

This reminds me of when I was a little boy in Mexico looking at the road to see if my future adoptive parents were coming to visit me, or if I was ever going to see my birth mother ever again.

I’m happy that Vanya was finally adopted even though it took two years. I know what it is like to wait for two years to get adopted. I know the feeling when you meet a person from a different country that you really enjoy and they enjoy being with you. To know that you matter to people who love you no matter what you look like.

The producers made it clear that Vanya was misunderstood and was put somewhere he did not belong. Just because he had cerebral palsy did not mean he was retarded. The institution/orphanage had a problem with people that were not normal and they made Vanya an outcast of society and he did not belong in this place.

He was always happy no matter where he was. He always had a smile on his face. He was always full of joy and was happy to share with anybody. It was nice that the producers had Vanya come back to Russia years after he had been adopted. He got to reconnect with a friend of his that was still in the institution and he got to meet his sister that had left the orphanage. It made me happy.

I felt empathy because I too was adopted and waited two years to be adopted. I have been in almost all the same situations that Vanya was. They didn’t mention a father in the video and I did not have a father that I know of until I was adopted. I know what it is like to be in an institution or orphanage. I can relate to most all the pain he has gone through his whole life. “

Chad’s parents adoption of Andres was the first part of our journey. Chad and I felt called to full-time missions working with children at risk in 2006 and have been serving in Guatemala since 2008. We lived in an orphanage during our first 2 ½ years here and are now serving with a ministry called AMG that has schools and daycare centers for at-risk children in very poor urban and rural areas. Chad is the director of child protection and restoration, working with a team of Guatemalan psychologists and social workers to bring the healing hope of Jesus to abused children within our projects. Our passion is to help maintain and restore families in these areas where crime, poverty, and abuse are prevalent. We are praying towards the goal of starting a foster-care program through the local church here in Guatemala. What a blessing it would be if Christian families would take in a child from one of AMG’s projects who needs a short-term or long-term home. We have learned so much and realize we have so much more to learn!

Although we are huge proponents of adoption, our eyes have been opened to a wider spectrum of care for children at risk. It is estimated that roughly 80% of the world’s “orphans” have one or more living parents. This doesn’t mean the child should always be with this parent, but if at all possible, reunification with the family is best and if not possible, it is best to keep the child within a true family environment – through foster care (short or long-term) or adoption, with an orphanage (even the best ones are still institutions) being the last resort.

So…all that being said, we are excited about programs like child sponsorship (allowing many single mammas to keep their children with a monthly stipend), foster care within Christian families and adoption (local or international). God is on the move. We are seeing cultural shifts within American families (see Christian Alliance for Orphan website/conference for more info.) and the world is noticing. We have a pastor/counselor friend from Colombia here with us this week. He asked Chad, “why do American families (some that are already big) decide to adopt more children?” He asked if it was a cultural reason. We like to think it’s because His Body is seeing the need to help children at risk and are stepping out in faith to meet these needs – locally and globally. It is a beautiful thing for the world to notice Christ’s love being extended to the poor and needy by His Bride and it is an eternal thing to know that more children will meet us in heaven someday because we have obeyed!

For ways anyone can help children at risk, visit here.

Thanks for letting us share our story, Amy!

Marlana (for Chad and kiddos)

(you can visit their family web site here)