Hospital Moments For Adoptive Parents

oh. stop.

The picture above is my little mr L when he was a baby.
I had a thing for towels with hoods and I loved the smell
of Johnson and Johnson's lavender lotion.
I may or may not have tried to get the boys to shower
using it last month.

I digress....

I wish I could post a picture of the girls at this age.
I don't have one. It stings. The girls ask about their
baby pictures. I don't have one to share.
I always tell them they were pretty babies...that is
evident. I always tell them they had sweet noses and
soft hair....also true. I then I stop....before I lose it.

With this being said, when the girls came home, it
was my time to bond. It was my hospital room moment to
look them over...stare into their eyes...hold them...smell
them....all those things I did when the boys were born.
When we first came home, I took time to do all the above
things daily. I took pictures of their hands, fingers, toes,
and smiles....I held them...even Miss M with blankets.
I sang to them....I would lie next to them in bed and sing
hymns...just like I did with the boys.
After the girls were in bed, it was time to give extra
love to the boys and let them know that I was still
their mama. I told Trent several times I needed clone.

Many families, especially close families, cannot understand
why in the world you (the adoptive parents) would keep
them from the baby they have prayed for with blood, sweat,
and tears. They may say you are not sharing....oh, "how will
she/he ever knew me?". In time, dear friends. The first few weeks
are CRUCIAL for the attachment process. Crucial.

The first few weeks home are the hospital moments.
It is the time to develop the beginning of a bond.
Your kiddos must know that you are the source of comfort,
food, etc. Only you can decide when you need grandma to come
or when Aunt Martha can finally get her hands on those cheeks...
It is our responsibility to guard those first few moments to ourselves.
We will not get them back.

Trust me...I struggled with this fact....I felt that I was overwhelmed
with all the wonderful people that the girls should/would meet...but
clear boundaries are needed. They are essential for your child. Your child,
most likely, has not had a family unit. They don't know all the new sounds
and smells.. He/she needs time to adjust.
You, as the parent, need time to adjust.

Also, take the needed break. I had 2 friends this summer who sat me down
and told me it was fine to take a break. Both moms were adoptive moms....and this
business about ONLY YOU and NO BREAK is just a sham. I started taking a little break once a week to grocery shop or get coffee. Boring as it may sound, these quiet moments charged
me enough to go back....and begin again. Attachment is hard work for both parent
and child. It was hard for me with 2 babies (thus, the mono...and too many late nights
doing chores...geeesh). My big lesson is to strive for a balance.

So, please grandmas, grandpas, aunties, and cousins be assured that
you will be a part of the child's life. I know it might feel weird or different
when we as adoptive parents set boundaries. However, please remember
it is not because we don't need you!! Please remember it is the hospital
moment. It is the one chance we have to begin life as a family.

If you are close family member and desire to help your family members,
please consider the following:

*preparing meals
*organizing room for the child before he/she arrives
*hosting shower for child before arrival
*errand duty (this is a good one! you can get a peek at the child, not stay, but
peek and help!! :)* my sister in law was on rice and banana duty. thank you LORD.
*welcome home balloons on the mailbox!
*yard work help
*laundry drop off and take back (oh, this is blessing)
*smothering other siblings with love and special dates
*prayer....we need prayer!
*house cleaning (if it can be done in manner that is helpful)

We, as adoptive parents, need you!!!
We love you!!!
We know it is hard.
It is hard for us, too!!
This time will pass and the new normal will form.
A wonderful, amazing new normal. :)