Choosing an Agency

Since we the girls have been home, we have received lots
of questions from others who are interested in adoption. I
have been meaning for some time to write a post about
choosing an agency. I have learned A LOT in the process.
However, in the beginning, I was very green, so to speak, to
the whole process and was very trusting of others.



I think the main reason I was so trusting of others was that
I could not imagine that someone would make money off
of children with no voice. Let me be clear. Adoption is big
business for some and caution must be used when using
an agency. I have thought of some steps that I would give my
pre-adoption self.

1. Research the Agency: Do your homework! Read all reviews
everywhere you can find them. I did not read any reviews on
our agency and made assumptions. Read the reviews and
contact others who have used the agency. Ask the uncomfortable
questions. Meet with the agency and have questions ready for them.

2. Take the Emotion Out: Agencies are providing a service
for adoptive families. They are helping families come together.
If ever you feel as though you are being treated as though you
are a bother, don't continue the relationship with the agency.
Never accept being told to not ask questions. Within reason,
write your thoughts and submit well thought out questions.
There are many agencies out there who will help you.
Find them.
The decision to adopt is emotional but choosing an agency
should notbe.

3. Ask Questions: If you are ever told not to ask specific questions,
be alarmed. Asking questions is a part of the process and agencies
should expect questions. If the agency states they do not have time to
answer your questions, take that statement as a warning sign. Children
and their parents are their obvious top priorities. Never ever feel guilty
for asking questions. You are your child's advocate.

4. Ask for Detailed Invoices: Keep in mind that adoption is
business. Ask for detailed line items and wait for answers. It is
a true fact that counties have closed because of the bribery that
can take place in country. Large items with no detailed explanation
are not a good sign. Fees must be explained. Again, the agency is
providing a service to you. It is their job to reign in, so to speak, their
in-country staff and keep records of money spent in-country. It is also
their job to provide detailed accounts as to how your money is spent.

5. Don't be Fearful: I was afraid during our process. After all, these people
I was told to trust and not ask questions of "had my children". Many adoptive
parents don't want to rock the boat because the agency has set a precedence
that they are all-knowing and are not to be questioned. Truth be told,
agencies work for you, the parent/family. I know it is a delicate balance but
we must not be fearful. Also, keep in mind that you have a voice. Unhappy
clients are a major problem for agencies that want to continue.

6. Collect Information: In our adoption, information was not collected on our girls
while they were waiting in process to come home. As our children age, any information
can be a calming influence to them. I have watched miss M's eyes light up when I
share what very little I know. For the child, knowing about the time before he/she
came home is an important part of their story. Trust me. Children ask questions. My
oldest daughter asks me questions about Congo all the time. I strive to answer truthfully,
factually and in age appropriate language. Children deserve answers and parents should
never fill in the blanks for their adoptive children. I wish our agency had taken
seriously the job of information collection for my children. If you are in process,
please ask for things such as comfort food, daily schedule and even personality of
care givers and others in the child's life. These bits of information are invaluable
during the adjustment period.

7. Pray: Take time to pray over the process. Pray for wisdom. Pray for discernment.
Pray for God to reveal what His desire are for your family. Prayer is your most important
lifeline when in the process of an adoption. There are many factors and variables in the
process. Pray continually.

Do you have other questions? Feel free to email me and I will do my
best to give you helpful and truthful answers. Transparency and honesty
within agencies is so very important. We must hold agencies to a higher
standard and not accept adoptions shrouded in secrecy.