SOLE HOPE

Have you heard of Sole Hope?

I am VERY excited about their work in Africa.
The founders are amazing people with hearts for God.

Why Sole Hope?


You can learn more by going here:

Funny of the Week

When we are out, it is always difficult when someone yells "bathroom!".
I cringe because I have bathroom phobias and also because I know it
will be a production. The boys don't want to go to the women's restroom
with us but leaving them standing in the mall/store is not an option. So, we have
the "it is safer to stay with mom" discussion. Alas, we proceed into the bathroom
looking for the best of the worst in stalls. The littlest of us all always, without fail,
announce the coming and going of each member as well as each member's
accomplishment. In days where I cannot get everyone to stop moving, pushing,
etc., I try to get them to sing the ABCs with me. Yes, we now are singing, all 5 of
us as we wait for the member who is taking care of business. If you are finished, you
are not to TOUCH anything. nothing. We proceed to the sink to wash hands as
those waiting watch in wonder. I pray that questions will not be asked as I cannot
manage talking about the wonder of adoption knowing my children could be
accumulating germs while waiting (phobia much?).
Last weekend the following took place:

lady: oh, do you run a day care?
me: oh no, they are all my children.
miss M: (with look of disgust) we's all her childwen.
lady: do you take relaxers?
me: excuse me? what do you mean?
lady: you know. so you can deal with all of this.
me: uh. no. Do I like I do?
lady: I had 3 boys and I spaced them out.
(insert my awkward stare here)
me: we are happy. we are SOOO happy. we love our life.

I am pretty sure I scooped 2 kids up and fled possibly even
asking the boys to run.

Oh my word woman.
The world is a scary place. :)

I was wrong.

I have to admit. I was completely wrong. At 24, I believe Katie Davis has more wisdom and understanding than I may have at 80. Before reading her book, many people recommended it to me. In fact, my friend Penny told me that she thought I really needed to read it. I thought the book was intriguing but I also wondered how such a young girl could really be legitimate.

I read books on my IPHONE. I don't have a kindle and I can read the IPHONE font just fine. My husband thinks I am just crazy for doing it but it is fine for me. One night, not long ago, I decided to download Kisses from Katie. I have to say that I read the book in 2 days. Yes friends, the book was finished in 2 days. I could not believe the ways in which God wrecked my heart. Trent asked me what I thought and I told him that he had to read it.

I am astounded by the ways God has used this book as an instrument for healing. When the girls arrived home, I felt a lot of pressure to have answers and, to be honest, be the answer. I knew in my head that I had to rely on God but my heart was trying to fix. I wanted to fix their pain. I wanted to make it all right. I am sure many moms feel this way about their children but I just kept trying and trying. I did not anticipate the "fix it" feeling. There is no boo boo buddy in the world that could calm such hurt.

Katie Davis made me finally realize that I could not fix it. I could not right the horrid wrongs experienced by my adopted children. I can't fix their pain but I can offer them love and care. In the instance where I quit and God begins, I have a front row seat as He heals my children. I read first hand how Katie took care of each of her children. I was encouraged as I read the accounts of the children who came to be in her family. As they received care and love, they began to heal. The past was not something to be erased but something to use as a building block for what was to come.

In American adoption, I think we read and research so much. Lately, there have been so many articles coming out on trauma and the brain. There have so many articles on attachment and how kids attach. Between all the attachment, trauma, food and culture articles, I had filled my head with enough information to host a conference. And yet, I was wrong. I had grossly underestimated the power of Christ's love. I had made assumptions and taken stock of what I needed to do. Katie Davis reminded me that it is only through HIM that we see the whole picture. On the days I felt like running to google, I need to run to HIM. On the days I feel as though I needed to immerse myself in education, I run to HIM.

Please don't mistake my post for a chance to not be educated. Education is important. However, I had been so clinical in some of my approaches that I had missed the point. As I parent all 4 of the kiddos, I need to turn to Christ first. It was a reminder, for me, as to His amazing power. I stand in awe of the things He did in the life of Katie and her children. Through them, He has chosen to change the lives of their community.

With a review like this, you would think I was going on her book tour. There is no way around it. This book is a must read and I cannot recommend it enough. It is now on my bucket list to hopefully meet her one day. Oh, and if you read on your phone, the book is sent right away and there is a small discount. Phone readers unite.

1 Timothy 4:12
Don't let anyone look down on your because you are young,
but set an example for the believers
in speech, in conduct, in love, in faith, and in purity.

Adoption Wishes

Adoption Wishes

I was invited to share on Amy’s blog after contacting her about an earlier post she had written. We go back to college days when cheerleading, waiting tables, and having fun were things we shared. We haven’t talked much since those days but I felt compelled to thank her for her portrayal of adoption as emotional, uncertain, and honest hard work.
I know these things to be true. I am adopted.



When I think back to my childhood, I have both happy memories and sad. My adoptive parents are Christians, still married, and somewhat emotionally detached. There are many things I wished for, from the difficult (knowing and meeting my birth parents) to the simple (someone telling me it was okay to talk about them). Here are some of my wishes.

1. I wish someone had told me it was okay to talk about my life before. As an adult, I now realize I left behind so much – the smells, the sights, the friends, the caregivers, the routine, the language, the culture and sense of belonging that were created during those first 3 years of my life. I have never spoken of it to my adoptive parents, no questions, no ponderings, no imaginary play; they never told me it was allowed and I never knew if I should ask.

2. I wish someone had talked with me about my birth parents. I realize I had a lot of questions: what did they look like, were they alive, why did they leave me, what happened to them, did they wonder about me, would I ever see them again, did they miss me, did they still love me, did they have other children? But no one ever did. As the mother of 2 young children, the idea of sending them to live with someone who would never mention me to them makes my heart ache in a way that is physically painful. Yet, I have still never talked about this with my adoptive parents.

3. I wish someone had told me I didn’t deserve adoption. Don’t misunderstand, what child works for their place in their family? Being told you are “so lucky” to have been adopted is like saying the child must now work hard enough, achieve enough, behave well enough, be perfect enough to somehow earn their place in the family. Just as works do not earn us our salvation, our adoption is not something to earn. And while we call Jesus our Savior, adoptive parents must not think they are “rescuing their poor children”. The adoption itself creates a whole new list of issues that can’t ever really be considered a rescue mission.

4. I wish someone had warned me about how mean others would be but that it wasn’t my fault. Kids, to a certain degree, get a pass since their life experience and maturity mean they sometimes ask things in a way that is not intended to be hurtful. However, there were a lot of times kids and adults made fun of me and my sister for things based on race. Laughing at the flatness of my nose because it would make wearing glasses more difficult later in life. Laughing at my eyes and pulling on their own as if the slant of my eyes was some kind of joke. Laughing at the food I was sure to have eaten by calling it gook food (that was from a family member). I felt embarrassed and ashamed of who I was. I somehow believed I should apologize for being different, instead of angry about others’ unprovoked cruelty.

5. I wish someone would have broken out of the mainstream to create a movie, a book, a magazine, something and been a role model that young Asian Americans could look up to at a time when there was literally nothing. Do you want to know what your child feels on an almost daily basis? Try finding a social situation in which you and maybe one other person are the only ones of your race. Now imagine that’s your life every day and you’ll begin to understand. There was a long period of time (think well into adulthood) that I was more comfortable in a situation in which everyone was Caucasian than in one in which others looked like me. Odd? Not if you remember the way I grew up.

My list goes on. If I’m invited back, I’ll share more of them. They have become more apparent to me as I have become a parent myself. Thinking of myself at the stages they have reached makes me question so much. I wish I knew who to ask.

Encouragement in the Wait

This post is for waiting parents. I have 2 different pieces that I

hope will encourage you today.

The first was written by my long time friend Amanda Lutz.

I have been incredibly impressed by her honest faith walk.

She is one amazing woman.

You can read her post about waiting during adoption here.

The other post I thought was so incredibly encouraging was written

by Katie Davis (she wrote the book Kisess from Kate).

You can read the post here.

picture of the week

Adoption: No Easy Answers (Part 2)

Recently, I re-connected with one of my friends from college days. She and her husband serve in Guatemala helping at risk children connect with people to help them heal. They also are involved in a program to help children that are in need of families. She posted a comment on the blog about the perspective of a waiting child. As I only have the perspective of a waiting parent, I asked her to please share with me what she has learned.
Marlana sent the letter below (published with permission).

So, I was thinking it might be helpful to share our personal story in answer to your question about adoption and about what it is like from the waiting child’s perspective vs. the waiting parent’s perspective (someday we hope to have this special experience as well.

Chad’s 15-year-old brother was adopted 5 years ago from Mexico. It’s a neat story as the orphanage was the one Chad visited on a trip through Cornerstone our junior year. We have kept in contact with the directors ever since and they actually pursued us about adopting Andres the week our first child was born. We’ve always felt that God would have us adopt someday, just not sure when, but at this point, neither one of us had peace about it. We told friends and family and about 3 months later, Chad’s parents told us they felt God was telling them to purse adopting Andres (who was then 7). We were amazed as his parents were 50 and their youngest of 5 was 22 already, plus they have always been in full-time ministry..truly only “of God.” Andres was in the orphanage since he was about 4 because he experienced many things that a child at that age should never experience. We had fallen in love with him and had a special connection with him when we visited, so finding out he would be our brother was such special news!

Fast forward 8 years later…he is a freshman in high school now in Muskegon, MI and loves soccer, music and hardly remembers his Spanish (Chad and I are working on that one!:) He is asking the tough questions now and really desires to visit the orphanage soon and know more about his birth mother. We are praying for Chad’s parents as they continue to guide him and process how God can use all of our stories to bring about healing and redemption through His love. Chad’s Dad is a counselor, so we are thankful that he is in a loving environment to help process his childhood.

He recently wrote a paper for school after watching a documentary about a boy who was adopted from Russia. He shares his heart in such a beautiful way, so I asked his permission to share with others from his perspective now that he is old enough to verbalize it.

“I felt sad and happy for Vanya. I can relate to what he has been through like waiting two years to be adopted or being moved from orphanage to orphanage or institution whatever you want to call it. I know what it is like to want a family, to be loved or be wanted by people.

This reminds me of when I was a little boy in Mexico looking at the road to see if my future adoptive parents were coming to visit me, or if I was ever going to see my birth mother ever again.

I’m happy that Vanya was finally adopted even though it took two years. I know what it is like to wait for two years to get adopted. I know the feeling when you meet a person from a different country that you really enjoy and they enjoy being with you. To know that you matter to people who love you no matter what you look like.

The producers made it clear that Vanya was misunderstood and was put somewhere he did not belong. Just because he had cerebral palsy did not mean he was retarded. The institution/orphanage had a problem with people that were not normal and they made Vanya an outcast of society and he did not belong in this place.

He was always happy no matter where he was. He always had a smile on his face. He was always full of joy and was happy to share with anybody. It was nice that the producers had Vanya come back to Russia years after he had been adopted. He got to reconnect with a friend of his that was still in the institution and he got to meet his sister that had left the orphanage. It made me happy.

I felt empathy because I too was adopted and waited two years to be adopted. I have been in almost all the same situations that Vanya was. They didn’t mention a father in the video and I did not have a father that I know of until I was adopted. I know what it is like to be in an institution or orphanage. I can relate to most all the pain he has gone through his whole life. “

Chad’s parents adoption of Andres was the first part of our journey. Chad and I felt called to full-time missions working with children at risk in 2006 and have been serving in Guatemala since 2008. We lived in an orphanage during our first 2 ½ years here and are now serving with a ministry called AMG that has schools and daycare centers for at-risk children in very poor urban and rural areas. Chad is the director of child protection and restoration, working with a team of Guatemalan psychologists and social workers to bring the healing hope of Jesus to abused children within our projects. Our passion is to help maintain and restore families in these areas where crime, poverty, and abuse are prevalent. We are praying towards the goal of starting a foster-care program through the local church here in Guatemala. What a blessing it would be if Christian families would take in a child from one of AMG’s projects who needs a short-term or long-term home. We have learned so much and realize we have so much more to learn!

Although we are huge proponents of adoption, our eyes have been opened to a wider spectrum of care for children at risk. It is estimated that roughly 80% of the world’s “orphans” have one or more living parents. This doesn’t mean the child should always be with this parent, but if at all possible, reunification with the family is best and if not possible, it is best to keep the child within a true family environment – through foster care (short or long-term) or adoption, with an orphanage (even the best ones are still institutions) being the last resort.

So…all that being said, we are excited about programs like child sponsorship (allowing many single mammas to keep their children with a monthly stipend), foster care within Christian families and adoption (local or international). God is on the move. We are seeing cultural shifts within American families (see Christian Alliance for Orphan website/conference for more info.) and the world is noticing. We have a pastor/counselor friend from Colombia here with us this week. He asked Chad, “why do American families (some that are already big) decide to adopt more children?” He asked if it was a cultural reason. We like to think it’s because His Body is seeing the need to help children at risk and are stepping out in faith to meet these needs – locally and globally. It is a beautiful thing for the world to notice Christ’s love being extended to the poor and needy by His Bride and it is an eternal thing to know that more children will meet us in heaven someday because we have obeyed!

For ways anyone can help children at risk, visit here.

Thanks for letting us share our story, Amy!

Marlana (for Chad and kiddos)

(you can visit their family web site here)