That Mom.....

Oh this amazing girl!
She is such a joy in our family. There are no words to describe her bravery, her will,
her love of others, her loyalty, her infectious laugh, and her amazing heart. It is
my true honor to be one of her mothers. Just last night we were laughing so hard
as she was showing me dance moves I should be doing instead of my own. I am
really not sure my moves can be called dance moves
but she was quick to try and help me. At one point she said told me that Justin Beiber
was "so cute, yes mama". Oh. my. We have fun over here, people.

I think of what she has been through at her young age. She was taken from her home
and put on a plane never to return to anything familiar. She felt the burden of taking
care of her younger sister and also protecting her from what might happen. She felt both
grief and loss which caused her to develop the skills of survival.

And yet, this beautiful little girl is a picture of hope. She is joyful. She is truly joyful.
As with many who have stories like hers, she has days of grief. I hold her and we talk
if needed. We pray together and we spend lots of time playing together.
Most of all,she never gives up.
Ever.

I posted a little while back about giving her things to do that were similar to things
she expressed a desire to do at home. As I was putting the laundry in the washer the
other day, she came up to me. We talked about her baby alive (who is always needing a
diaper change) and the purse she thought she might bring to the grocery store. She
stopped and watched me. I will never forget what she said next-
"Mama, you do laundry and I be kid?"

Oh yes, sweet girl. Please "be kid". Please enjoy your childhood.
It is wonderful to see the fruit of our work together as she relaxes playing dominoes, barbies, dolls and (new favorite) playing teacher with the chalkboard.

miss M started preschool this semester. Her tutor was pleased to report that she had made
great strides first semester. The excitement on day one was unreal. She chose her own
outfit and we put beads in her hair to match her dress choice.
I am proud to report that a few weeks
into school she is doing really well.
She is happy to be in school and is making new friends.

Thanks for letting me be "that mom" today.
I am so proud of her.

SOLE HOPE

Have you heard of Sole Hope?

I am VERY excited about their work in Africa.
The founders are amazing people with hearts for God.

Why Sole Hope?


You can learn more by going here:

Funny of the Week

When we are out, it is always difficult when someone yells "bathroom!".
I cringe because I have bathroom phobias and also because I know it
will be a production. The boys don't want to go to the women's restroom
with us but leaving them standing in the mall/store is not an option. So, we have
the "it is safer to stay with mom" discussion. Alas, we proceed into the bathroom
looking for the best of the worst in stalls. The littlest of us all always, without fail,
announce the coming and going of each member as well as each member's
accomplishment. In days where I cannot get everyone to stop moving, pushing,
etc., I try to get them to sing the ABCs with me. Yes, we now are singing, all 5 of
us as we wait for the member who is taking care of business. If you are finished, you
are not to TOUCH anything. nothing. We proceed to the sink to wash hands as
those waiting watch in wonder. I pray that questions will not be asked as I cannot
manage talking about the wonder of adoption knowing my children could be
accumulating germs while waiting (phobia much?).
Last weekend the following took place:

lady: oh, do you run a day care?
me: oh no, they are all my children.
miss M: (with look of disgust) we's all her childwen.
lady: do you take relaxers?
me: excuse me? what do you mean?
lady: you know. so you can deal with all of this.
me: uh. no. Do I like I do?
lady: I had 3 boys and I spaced them out.
(insert my awkward stare here)
me: we are happy. we are SOOO happy. we love our life.

I am pretty sure I scooped 2 kids up and fled possibly even
asking the boys to run.

Oh my word woman.
The world is a scary place. :)

I was wrong.

I have to admit. I was completely wrong. At 24, I believe Katie Davis has more wisdom and understanding than I may have at 80. Before reading her book, many people recommended it to me. In fact, my friend Penny told me that she thought I really needed to read it. I thought the book was intriguing but I also wondered how such a young girl could really be legitimate.

I read books on my IPHONE. I don't have a kindle and I can read the IPHONE font just fine. My husband thinks I am just crazy for doing it but it is fine for me. One night, not long ago, I decided to download Kisses from Katie. I have to say that I read the book in 2 days. Yes friends, the book was finished in 2 days. I could not believe the ways in which God wrecked my heart. Trent asked me what I thought and I told him that he had to read it.

I am astounded by the ways God has used this book as an instrument for healing. When the girls arrived home, I felt a lot of pressure to have answers and, to be honest, be the answer. I knew in my head that I had to rely on God but my heart was trying to fix. I wanted to fix their pain. I wanted to make it all right. I am sure many moms feel this way about their children but I just kept trying and trying. I did not anticipate the "fix it" feeling. There is no boo boo buddy in the world that could calm such hurt.

Katie Davis made me finally realize that I could not fix it. I could not right the horrid wrongs experienced by my adopted children. I can't fix their pain but I can offer them love and care. In the instance where I quit and God begins, I have a front row seat as He heals my children. I read first hand how Katie took care of each of her children. I was encouraged as I read the accounts of the children who came to be in her family. As they received care and love, they began to heal. The past was not something to be erased but something to use as a building block for what was to come.

In American adoption, I think we read and research so much. Lately, there have been so many articles coming out on trauma and the brain. There have so many articles on attachment and how kids attach. Between all the attachment, trauma, food and culture articles, I had filled my head with enough information to host a conference. And yet, I was wrong. I had grossly underestimated the power of Christ's love. I had made assumptions and taken stock of what I needed to do. Katie Davis reminded me that it is only through HIM that we see the whole picture. On the days I felt like running to google, I need to run to HIM. On the days I feel as though I needed to immerse myself in education, I run to HIM.

Please don't mistake my post for a chance to not be educated. Education is important. However, I had been so clinical in some of my approaches that I had missed the point. As I parent all 4 of the kiddos, I need to turn to Christ first. It was a reminder, for me, as to His amazing power. I stand in awe of the things He did in the life of Katie and her children. Through them, He has chosen to change the lives of their community.

With a review like this, you would think I was going on her book tour. There is no way around it. This book is a must read and I cannot recommend it enough. It is now on my bucket list to hopefully meet her one day. Oh, and if you read on your phone, the book is sent right away and there is a small discount. Phone readers unite.

1 Timothy 4:12
Don't let anyone look down on your because you are young,
but set an example for the believers
in speech, in conduct, in love, in faith, and in purity.

Adoption Wishes

Adoption Wishes

I was invited to share on Amy’s blog after contacting her about an earlier post she had written. We go back to college days when cheerleading, waiting tables, and having fun were things we shared. We haven’t talked much since those days but I felt compelled to thank her for her portrayal of adoption as emotional, uncertain, and honest hard work.
I know these things to be true. I am adopted.



When I think back to my childhood, I have both happy memories and sad. My adoptive parents are Christians, still married, and somewhat emotionally detached. There are many things I wished for, from the difficult (knowing and meeting my birth parents) to the simple (someone telling me it was okay to talk about them). Here are some of my wishes.

1. I wish someone had told me it was okay to talk about my life before. As an adult, I now realize I left behind so much – the smells, the sights, the friends, the caregivers, the routine, the language, the culture and sense of belonging that were created during those first 3 years of my life. I have never spoken of it to my adoptive parents, no questions, no ponderings, no imaginary play; they never told me it was allowed and I never knew if I should ask.

2. I wish someone had talked with me about my birth parents. I realize I had a lot of questions: what did they look like, were they alive, why did they leave me, what happened to them, did they wonder about me, would I ever see them again, did they miss me, did they still love me, did they have other children? But no one ever did. As the mother of 2 young children, the idea of sending them to live with someone who would never mention me to them makes my heart ache in a way that is physically painful. Yet, I have still never talked about this with my adoptive parents.

3. I wish someone had told me I didn’t deserve adoption. Don’t misunderstand, what child works for their place in their family? Being told you are “so lucky” to have been adopted is like saying the child must now work hard enough, achieve enough, behave well enough, be perfect enough to somehow earn their place in the family. Just as works do not earn us our salvation, our adoption is not something to earn. And while we call Jesus our Savior, adoptive parents must not think they are “rescuing their poor children”. The adoption itself creates a whole new list of issues that can’t ever really be considered a rescue mission.

4. I wish someone had warned me about how mean others would be but that it wasn’t my fault. Kids, to a certain degree, get a pass since their life experience and maturity mean they sometimes ask things in a way that is not intended to be hurtful. However, there were a lot of times kids and adults made fun of me and my sister for things based on race. Laughing at the flatness of my nose because it would make wearing glasses more difficult later in life. Laughing at my eyes and pulling on their own as if the slant of my eyes was some kind of joke. Laughing at the food I was sure to have eaten by calling it gook food (that was from a family member). I felt embarrassed and ashamed of who I was. I somehow believed I should apologize for being different, instead of angry about others’ unprovoked cruelty.

5. I wish someone would have broken out of the mainstream to create a movie, a book, a magazine, something and been a role model that young Asian Americans could look up to at a time when there was literally nothing. Do you want to know what your child feels on an almost daily basis? Try finding a social situation in which you and maybe one other person are the only ones of your race. Now imagine that’s your life every day and you’ll begin to understand. There was a long period of time (think well into adulthood) that I was more comfortable in a situation in which everyone was Caucasian than in one in which others looked like me. Odd? Not if you remember the way I grew up.

My list goes on. If I’m invited back, I’ll share more of them. They have become more apparent to me as I have become a parent myself. Thinking of myself at the stages they have reached makes me question so much. I wish I knew who to ask.

Encouragement in the Wait

This post is for waiting parents. I have 2 different pieces that I

hope will encourage you today.

The first was written by my long time friend Amanda Lutz.

I have been incredibly impressed by her honest faith walk.

She is one amazing woman.

You can read her post about waiting during adoption here.

The other post I thought was so incredibly encouraging was written

by Katie Davis (she wrote the book Kisess from Kate).

You can read the post here.

picture of the week